Jack's Diary - Day 36, October 23th 2013

     I haven't been able to sleep in over a day now. The images and sounds keep repeating like a record in my head. At least when the Hill was overtaken, I wasn't nearby to see and hear everything and a number of people got away. Now, I hear the screams and taunting words and even when I can dismiss them, the crackling of fire burns in the back of my mind. I was supposed to meet everyone hours ago, but I just couldn't. I found a shed they use for storing supplies and sat in one of the back corners. You might find it strange that I haven't just run off by now. It probably would've been easier to just jump the gate and keep running until I fell to my knees from exhaustion. There's nothing that binds me to stay here, but I do so anyway. Mike saved my life and even if I feel like dying, I will pay him back. There's also the reason that I have nowhere else to go. I'm not going back to John to tell him his only daughter is dead; it's better that he should remain in the dark and only believe me to be dead. This base also has a lot that The Hill didn't and I may be able to help this place become near completely self-sufficient.

     The sun was pouring in through the small window and I knew I couldn't stay still any longer so I went to find Mike. I was pretty sure he thought I'd run off by now. Before leaving, I happen to glance at some of the medicines they had in stock. There were sleeping pills, Advil, pills for constipation, and some type of pills to reduce fatigue called Provigil. I'm not a drug user, but I was very tempted to take a hand full of them before walking out the door, but I didn't.

     I took a good long walk around the base. It helped to quiet my memories a little. I decide to examine what the base had to offer to distract myself. The fortified walls were decent (much better than what we had at The Hill). There were several large houses and buildings to be used as homes and plenty of storage spaces for food, medicine, guns, and other things. The people who walked by me had a complex look on their face, possibly questioning who I was since they'd never seen me before. I was expecting someone to pin me against the wall or stab me. I suppose a cautious community is a safe community. After walking around for so long, I thought I'd see a water purification system or cropland, but I didn't see any of that. It's possible I could have passed them by, but if they were lacking these things, it would be important to have them for the future.

     Mike eventually saw me, questioning what happened to me.

     "Just needed to clear my head," I told him.

     He took me to his house on the base and it was there I met his friends or perhaps "family" is a better word for them. His brother and his cousin Victor were out doing something else at the time, but I did meet Greg, Danny, and Lexi (the girl seemed to be really attached to Mike). It'd been a while since I'd seen young kids since they're usually the first to get picked off. They were all welcoming and friendly to me. Then, I heard the front door open and I turned around. Mike introduced me to Jess, the older brother of Greg. It was at that moment that I frozen. Even for how young she was, her face looked so much like Jane that I felt the images and sounds flooding back into my mind, like someone had just cut open a freshly sealed scar.

     "Uhhh, are you alright?" Jess asked.

     I probably had a weird look on my face, twisted with pain and fright. At that point, I just left saying, "I have to go."

     I stormed out the door with the sound of someone else following. I was at least 20 feet away from the house when Mike caught up and turned me around, "What the hell is your problem?!" he asked.

     "None of your concern," I said. I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm.

     "No way. You tell me what the hell that was all about. Jess was trying to be nice to you and you blew her off!"

     "You weren't the one who lost everything! I lost three of my friends yesterday so I think I'm entitled to act a little strange, don't you think?!" I pulled my arm loose and turned away.

     "Where're you going?" he asked.

     "Don't worry. I'm not leaving... I'm just going for a walk."

     I walked around the rest of day aimlessly, fighting off the past. When night came, I went back to the storage room and sat in the corner again. I haven't eaten in a while and I still can't sleep. I wished I had explored more. Perhaps I could've found something to play some music to calm me. I suppose humming some will have to suffice.

- Jack's Diary