Jack's Diary - Day 39

     I wonder if soldiers ever miss the battlefield? I guessing they don't, but it seems they go through a lot of emotional stress coming back since things to them are different. Nothing may have changed at all, yet everything feels so new. This isn't a good thing. When you're at war, you're always looking over your shoulder, you react to the first sign of danger, you dream restlessly of the home so far away that moves on despite your absence. When your home again, you can't abandon those feelings and thoughts that ate away at your mind. All the time, you wished you were home yet you are never truly free of the war since it now takes place inside you. Would you want to go through life like this, trying to regain the peace of mind lost to you or would you just want to stay at war until you die, leaving the haunting memories to rot with your body. I never left this country to go to war, but this is a war, a nightmare to new comers and a normal everyone day scene for the suffering. I can't imagine settling down again, especially now.
     I decided to leave that night. I realized that if I left to find Mike in the morning, Lexi could stupidly leave the base looking for him too. Better that I find him before she wakes up, I thought. I didn't work out to well though. I searched the surrounding towns, peaking into windows, sneaking passed soulless and looking at their faces to see if they looked familiar, and looking for fresh dead bodies (expecting the worse) with no luck. The morning came which made it easier to see and made it easier for me to be seen. I really hoped Lexi wouldn't leave the base, but I didn't have much time to be concerned with that thought. I heard a sound of a handgun being fired and I instinctively jumped to the nearest cover being a small dry cleaner business. I heard more rounds being fired as I ran in. I hid behind the front desk and checked my guns to see if they were loaded. Instead of charging out the entrance I came from, I decided to go out the back door and climb on top of the building to get a better view. I saw about three people ducking behind an old car two buildings away. Although my shooting skills were great, I didn't want to take the gamble of missing them on the first shot and have them retaliate so I went back in the alley behind the building and made a complete circle around buildings and other tall structures to conceal my presence to catch the men by surprise. However, when I got to their location, they were gone. All I found in their place was soulless who I figured showed up as a result of their gunfire and drove them away. I knew that my search wouldn't be safe until I disposed of them so from then on, I searched for any living humans including anyone (or anything) that looked like Mike.
     About another hour into my search, I saw something move in the distance. By the way it moved, I knew it couldn't have been a soulless. Behind it came four more and in an instant, they all turned in my direction. I quickly drew my gun just before they did and managed to pick off one of the ones in the middle. However, one of their bullets pierced my shin. They quickly ran for cover behind the nearby buildings while returning fire, but I took out another one before he could find cover in time. I hobbled over to a store that had a sunk in entrance way. I knew that soulless would be arriving any minute and I was in no condition to run away. To make matters worse, more men came marching forward in the distance. It didn't seem like these guy were amateurs since they managed to hit me from a far distance and had enough brains to leave an area after shooting. I knew that they would begin retreating as soon as the soulless arrived, with me being killed by the soulless and acting as a distraction to ensure they weren't followed. With that thought in mind, I knew I had to press them, make them feel pressured and afraid of me. I stepped out of my hiding spot, shot the first person I saw, and hurriedly moved to the next nearest spot for cover. It hurt to walk or just trying to run for that matter, but it wasn't impossible. I only brought my handgun and a sawed-off shotgun with me so I didn't have a large assortment of weapons to choose from. However, the bag of supplies I took did have some smoke bombs. I'd save those for later. Two men approached my cover. I shot one in the chest and the other in the arm and thigh quickly. I left the last one alive to draw the soulless attention to him instead of me. They may have been better shots than I am used to, but they still weren't as good or fast as me. I then broke through the building I was using for cover and came out the back entrance. I could see soulless heading my direction. I peeked out at the men still left, only a small number in clear sight. I shot two before the other caught on and unleashed a fire storm of bullets in my direction with a few of the stray bullets taking out some nearby soulless. I looked back to find they were retreating. I followed, hoping to catch them off guard. In the distance, I could hear a man screaming in pain. The distraction worked.
     This game of bullet tag continued through nearly three city blocks. I killed three more of the men and managed to get a semi-automatic. Ironically, I was shot in my left shoulder just before picking it up so I couldn't hold it properly to shoot. The soulless followed behind us, feasting on the fallen men. It seemed there were only four or five left or at least there were until I heard an extremely loud and painful scream followed by multiple gunfire. I looked around the corner and saw a very large soulless stabbing one of the men with a large blade for an arm. It had an almost uniformly flat face; there were no identifiable eyes, ears, or nose. It looked like an Olympian. This was the first time I'd ever seen one this big.
     I only saw three bodies so at least one of them must have gotten away. Only two remained alive, one being extremely damaged, and the other was being held up by his neck by the large soulless. I could have saved him, but I chose not to. I watched as the soulless stabbed its blade through his abdomen and then, with his other hand, ripped him in half. He then went toward the last man alive intending to finish him off. I could've watched another killing, but the man was vulnerable right now, meaning I could get some answers from him as to why I was being shot at so I stepped in and shot the soulless in the head with the sawed-off. It didn't seem to phase it at all. I shot it in the head again and it knocked me to the side, intending to grab me, but the shot seemed to unbalance it. It now focused on me as I quickly stood up and reloaded the sawed-off. As intimidating as it was to see this thing survive two powerful shots to the face, I could think of this situation as a wall; with enough hits, it was bound to break. I continued to shoot for the face and it continued to grab or slash at me. After five shots, I was beginning to doubt my theory until it began charging at me, possibly due to enragement or maybe because it was nearing death (or it was getting bored). Either way, something changed which showed I was having an effect on it. Sadly, I ran out of shells for the shotgun and the handgun bullets didn't even seem to phase it. What's worse, more soulless showed up and I not only had to dodge them and the larger one, they already had begun eating the man I wanted to question, making this effort useless. I only had one idea left. I moved as fast as I could to the tallest building I could find and it pursued me. I went to the roof and once it came close enough to the ledge, ran eat it and rammed it over the side, almost taking me with it. Upon hearing the impact, I looked down and watched it for 10 minutes. It didn't move.
     I closed the door to the roof and sat down. I was safe. I thought about the fact that the large soulless didn't eat anything or anyone. It was only interested in killing. The behavior was so uncharacteristic and  almost disturbing to think about; a creature that only wishes to kill. Anyway, it was gone. A better question is why were those men attacking me? Perhaps Mike came across them and they got him. Right now, I didn't know what to think. So many things are running through my head; Mike, Lexi, that soulless, will I die? Through all of this, strangely enough, I felt at home.

- Jack's Diary