In the morning, I spoke with Mike. He said that we should be at the Valors base within a day or so. We packed up and headed out and strangely, nothing bad happened to us: no attacks, no shortages, no detours, and no emotional drama or fights. I pitched myself just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. We also run into some kind of trouble or something unexpected happens. We stopped a few times to rest, giving me the chance to read farther into the explosives-making book I picked up previously. I also started sharpening one of the ends of the iron bar against a large rock and I sharpened my knives. These are small things, but they're nice to do.
Along the way, everyone except for Mike and me were talking about Evie and how cool it would've been if she stayed. I hadn't noticed this until today, but when we travel, Ann is always a few steps behind me. The only reason I noticed was due to the circumstances; there was no detectable danger around to distract me and Ann was talking with others and I could hear here behind me. Perhaps she feels safe with me leading her or perhaps she has an obsession with me. I have seen her watching me, but it's possible she watches everyone (a stalker by nature perhaps). She could have been staring at the back of my head the whole walk and I would never know. Whenever I look back, her eyes are always elsewhere. Strange.
When we stopped again, I decided to talk to her. I led her under a tree far enough away from the group so they couldn't hear.
"Ann, have any of your memories returned?"
She shyly shook her head no. I had hoped to start out on a positive note before bringing up my concern.
"I've noticed you staring at me quite often," she jumped a little at this admission. "Would you mind telling me why?"
"I'm... interested in you," she answered quietly.
"Interested?"
"You're strong, smart, and brave. You're unlike anyone I've ever met." she answer, speaking as if she was ashamed and embarrassed of admitting this.
This was a suspicion of mine. I have no interest in bonding with anyone too much right now so I accepted her words as merely an explanation for her actions.
"Alright. Just don't stare at me so much," I said as kindly as I could muster.
One thing I like is a balanced woman or at least one brave enough to go after what she wants. If she likes me bad enough the way I think and she approaches me on the subject again, I may be inclined to take her up on the offer. Her attraction to me would explain her staring so much and the reason why I saw her smiling after I argued with Evie (Ann may have saw her as an opponent). Still, my suspicions are not over. I'm still uncertain; I'm always uncertain. I must be partially insane. I always think someone's out to get me. This thinking has kept me alive, but for what purpose if I'm always so untrusting? Bonds can't be kept and eace can't be found. If you can't trust your friends then should you really have friends? Is the doubt I'm feeling have any truth to it or is it just paranoia? I really don't know. I feel fine being this way for now. I heard soldiers develop this type of mindset in combat and it sticks with them. I don't want to keep this forever. There's no point in living out my life if I can't live it as I want.
And to think, this all came up because someone may care about me. I should be happy that someone would think of me so kindly. Whether or not she really meant what she said doesn't matter as much as what's keeping me thinking about it. I just tired of this mindset of distrust. I want to believe Ann, but something is just not right: with her or me.
- Jack's Diary
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