Jack's Diary - The Pain - Day 61

            Something has changed. I can’t feel my left arm anymore. I noticed it when Brian came into my tent to wake me up and I instinctually tried to swing my left fist at him. When nothing happened, I got angry and took it out on him. Everyone was so happy that morning. Mike was sitting down and relaxing and the mood was generally calm. I can’t remember when I last felt this way or was happy at all. When I was on my own, I loved the mornings and I loved the wilderness. Now, I feel numb, both in my left arm and to the feelings I once had. What in the world happened to me? What am I?

            Mike split us up into four groups. I got Brian and Jess on my team along with 5 kids. According to Brian, Mike planned to make a nonstop trip back to base. I was only the good news that I heard that day. I wanted to get back to base and reflect. I am lost right now, with no one looking for me.

            We went into what appeared to be a large old motel searching for medicine. Each room had a cabinet that contained a few useful things like sleeping pills and antidepressants. There’s no way a motel would offer these drugs to customers for free. People must have brought them along on their trip and forgot to or neglected to take them. They are ours now. Brian and everyone else avoided being around me, even Jess. Not sure what their problem is. I didn’t really have much time to ponder this because a large group of soulless from the upper floors and from outside rushed in without reason. It was like a call went out and everyone, but us received it. I came out into the hall to find group members gathered in the center of hall, some running in our direction from soulless. A group of soulless rushed down the hall, so I took out my handgun with my good arm and started firing. I missed. The first time I’ve ever missed with a handgun in years. The group covered the entire span of the hall and I struggled just to shoot them, let alone shoot them in the head to end them. The others fired as well, hitting and killing the soulless with ease. There were too many of them and the group turned tail and ran away without me even realizing (some friends, huh?). If I couldn’t shoot them, I decided I’d stab them. I pulled out my machete and cut through three when suddenly, a terrible pain struck my left arm. It was unlike any pain I’d ever felt in my life, so much so that I dropped my machete and nearly fell over. I managed to stumble back into the room I came out of before and closed the door, locking it behind me. A great number of the soulless were trying to break down the door as I leaned against it, hoping that the pain would subside. I had no idea how the others were fairing. Then again, leaving me like that was just as bad as stabbing me so I didn’t worry too much. The wood the padlock on the door was screwed into was splitting from all of the brute force on the door. Less and less noise could be heard outside the door, but the door continued to weaken. I had one of the flares with me. As much as I hated to do it, I launched it out the window (that was thankfully already broken open). Not long after, the door was just about to come off its hinges so I backed away from the door and drew my knives. They charged in without hesitation. I kicked one back and stabbed another coming at me from the side in the chest. I tried to throw knives, only to miss using them as well. It was too risky to shove my way passed them so only thing I could do was take out my crowbar and hit them. I killed a few, but this came to a sudden halt when the pain returned. I struggled just to keep a hold of the crowbar. When I realized I couldn’t swing the crowbar, I backed myself into a corner and called out for help, something I rarely do and am ashamed of doing it. By luck, Mike was nearby and took care of the remaining soulless in the room. There was no time to explain as Mike took me up to the roof. Apparently, he saw the rest of the group fending off soulless on the roof. By the time we got up there, all the soulless were dead. The struggle was over for now.

            That was the last emergency of the day. Everyone else handled themselves against danger and the groups came back with supplies. I didn’t celebrate. I gathered the weapons I dropped and head over to a tree to practice. The left arm didn’t hurt anymore though it was strange that it is numb to the touch yet I could feel such intense pain from it. The sun began going down and I continued to practice throwing my knives. My aim was decent, but not as good as it once was. Again I asked, what happened to me? You don’t just lose skill overnight. Mike came over some time to talk with me.

            “So, what happened back at the building?” he asked.

            I had my back to him, still facing the tree. I didn’t want to turn around.

            “I can’t feel my left arm anymore.”

            Mike was silent for a few moments. He walked around and faced me.

            “You mean you can’t move it at all?”

            No and it gets worse. I kept feeling an incredible amount of pain that left me debilitated and defenseless.”

            “Let me see.” Mike took a look at my arm, examining the stitches. It looked okay to me.

            “It looks like it’s healing. No infection or discoloring. Though I’m not a doctor.” He looked up at me, “Maybe it’s all in your head.”

            I nearly snapped when he said that. I jerked away and walked to the tree to retrieve my knives.

            “Come on, Jack. It happens to the best of us.”

            “This isn’t in my head! The pain was so bad, I considered killing myself! And it’s not just that. For the first time in years, I couldn’t aim a gun at all. They were 10 feet away and I struggled just to clip them.” I pulled two of the knives out of the tree while Mike just stood there, unable to think of anything to say I suppose. It was then that the pain returned. I tried to scream, but the pain was too much. All I could do was gag and struggle to breathe as I squirmed on the ground like worm in the sun.

            “Jack? Jack, what the hell!” Mike ran to me and propped me up against the tree, “Jack. Calm down. Take some deep breaths.”

            I wanted to tell him to stop talking to me like I was a child, but I couldn’t speak. I pushed Mike to the side and tried walking back to camp. I fell, only making it two steps.

            “I just want to get back to base. Let’s go back to base now, Mike! Right now!”

 I said desperately.

            “You’re in no condition to travel. You need to rest.”

            “Rest is pointless! I’ll just die a little tomorrow! We go back to base or I’ll drag myself there!”

            Dragging myself wasn’t working. I was making no progress. Mike called one of the kids over and the two of them took me back to my tent. I started seeing distortions and illusions. Mike and the kid were dressed in light bronze armor, escorting me over a sea of spikes. The shadows gathered around the great light watched with curiosity. In the distance, I saw a few men and woman walking around, looking for a grocery store. The guards dropped me down the pit of fire. While the fire tormented me and obstructed my view, the devil walked in, out of the chasm. He stood over me, smiling in amusement, speaking words I couldn’t hear over the shouts of the flames. He sat beside me, often touching my forehead with his burning hand. He just sat there smiling.

            I can’t remember what happened after that last distorted memory. By that time, I had probably passed out. I woke up to find Ann sitting beside. She’d been there ever since they had first laid me down. I didn’t feel comfortable having people around me right now so I asked her to leave, which she complied with protest. I didn’t have anymore intense pains. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway. My gun is gone. Mike or someone probably took it. My other weapons except for the knives are too far away for me to reach. Maybe later.

- Jack's Diary