Jack's Diary - Day 7, September 22th 2013

     Still in the gambling town. I had to find some new clothes today. The old ones were covered in blood and gore after I went on a killing rampage. It was very spur of the moment and almost instinctual to me. It occurs very rarely though. This is partly why I prefer being in the company of others since being among other people suppresses this feeling. Then again, people annoy me and right now, I can't stand the thought of losing someone else. In the middle of the killing spree, I am very reckless and enraged. However, before it takes place, I always take precautionary measures; this time, I made sure my face and eyes were protected since just one drop of blood on an eye or in the mouth could possibly turn you. 

     I took out two machetes and charged outside. Most of the soulless were very docile and weak, making it so much easier to kill them. I can't remember much of what I did. I black out often, getting caught up in my rage. There must have been a lot of them because both of my arms are aching now. It's only in viewing the aftermath that I learn what I did. After I changed clothes, I walked outside with a relative ease of mind since most if not all danger was gone. Whenever this happens, there are always specific pools of blood and bodies in the streets where I believe I stood in one spot as the soulless charged at me. The center of the circles are always the driest part. Doors were broken in that were fine upon my arrival. Any soulless in the building when I go on a rampage are the unluckiest of all because they always end up in more bloody pieces. In one of the building, I thought I found a few bodies that looked like uninfected humans: a man, a woman, and a child. The bodies were still relatively fresh. I have no remorse if their death was by my hands (which I believe it was), but I hope it was not. After living like I have for so long, the death of a stranger means nothing and the death of a friend means little, but it does linger in my mind, especially when you lose everything.

     Right now, I'm tired. The rampages always take a toll on me. I realized a while ago I could never return to living like the regular person I was before this hell began. I've changed far too much to hope for peace in my future. Killing is not a part of who I am, I am a part of killing. There's been blood on my hands far too many times for it to wash off. Perhaps if order is ever established again and I'm still alive, I'll become a soldier for the army; that way, I can still kill when I feel the urge to and not go to jail. People would praise and reward me for my service. Praising me for a service I took to kill; what a funny world. 

- Jack's Diary