Jack's Diary - Day 36, October 23th 2013

     I haven't been able to sleep in over a day now. The images and sounds keep repeating like a record in my head. At least when the Hill was overtaken, I wasn't nearby to see and hear everything and a number of people got away. Now, I hear the screams and taunting words and even when I can dismiss them, the crackling of fire burns in the back of my mind. I was supposed to meet everyone hours ago, but I just couldn't. I found a shed they use for storing supplies and sat in one of the back corners. You might find it strange that I haven't just run off by now. It probably would've been easier to just jump the gate and keep running until I fell to my knees from exhaustion. There's nothing that binds me to stay here, but I do so anyway. Mike saved my life and even if I feel like dying, I will pay him back. There's also the reason that I have nowhere else to go. I'm not going back to John to tell him his only daughter is dead; it's better that he should remain in the dark and only believe me to be dead. This base also has a lot that The Hill didn't and I may be able to help this place become near completely self-sufficient.

     The sun was pouring in through the small window and I knew I couldn't stay still any longer so I went to find Mike. I was pretty sure he thought I'd run off by now. Before leaving, I happen to glance at some of the medicines they had in stock. There were sleeping pills, Advil, pills for constipation, and some type of pills to reduce fatigue called Provigil. I'm not a drug user, but I was very tempted to take a hand full of them before walking out the door, but I didn't.

     I took a good long walk around the base. It helped to quiet my memories a little. I decide to examine what the base had to offer to distract myself. The fortified walls were decent (much better than what we had at The Hill). There were several large houses and buildings to be used as homes and plenty of storage spaces for food, medicine, guns, and other things. The people who walked by me had a complex look on their face, possibly questioning who I was since they'd never seen me before. I was expecting someone to pin me against the wall or stab me. I suppose a cautious community is a safe community. After walking around for so long, I thought I'd see a water purification system or cropland, but I didn't see any of that. It's possible I could have passed them by, but if they were lacking these things, it would be important to have them for the future.

     Mike eventually saw me, questioning what happened to me.

     "Just needed to clear my head," I told him.

     He took me to his house on the base and it was there I met his friends or perhaps "family" is a better word for them. His brother and his cousin Victor were out doing something else at the time, but I did meet Greg, Danny, and Lexi (the girl seemed to be really attached to Mike). It'd been a while since I'd seen young kids since they're usually the first to get picked off. They were all welcoming and friendly to me. Then, I heard the front door open and I turned around. Mike introduced me to Jess, the older brother of Greg. It was at that moment that I frozen. Even for how young she was, her face looked so much like Jane that I felt the images and sounds flooding back into my mind, like someone had just cut open a freshly sealed scar.

     "Uhhh, are you alright?" Jess asked.

     I probably had a weird look on my face, twisted with pain and fright. At that point, I just left saying, "I have to go."

     I stormed out the door with the sound of someone else following. I was at least 20 feet away from the house when Mike caught up and turned me around, "What the hell is your problem?!" he asked.

     "None of your concern," I said. I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm.

     "No way. You tell me what the hell that was all about. Jess was trying to be nice to you and you blew her off!"

     "You weren't the one who lost everything! I lost three of my friends yesterday so I think I'm entitled to act a little strange, don't you think?!" I pulled my arm loose and turned away.

     "Where're you going?" he asked.

     "Don't worry. I'm not leaving... I'm just going for a walk."

     I walked around the rest of day aimlessly, fighting off the past. When night came, I went back to the storage room and sat in the corner again. I haven't eaten in a while and I still can't sleep. I wished I had explored more. Perhaps I could've found something to play some music to calm me. I suppose humming some will have to suffice.

- Jack's Diary

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Jack's Diary - Day 11, September 26th 2013

     I'm already well on my way to Saint Angeles. I didn't go into detail in my last entry so I'll explain now. John, the man who saved me, talked about his past on request. I asked because most of the people I met in the past either wanted me dead or wanted something from me and they especially didn't help me out of pure kindness. He'd lived almost his entire life in this small cabin. Once he became a young man, he moved away from society and built this cabin with his bare hands. He loved people, but preferred a life of solitude surrounded by nature's wild life. He was by no means a hippy or nutcase so don't get the wrong idea. I've known people in my life that loved animals and plants and the rare beauty that in his words "has gone unchanged or destroyed by time". Surprisingly enough, he met a woman. She lived in a cabin as well about 2 miles from John's. They came upon each other in their gathering and hunting. He eventually moved into her cabin and together had a daughter named Jane. The daughter left to start her own travels when she was of age. She's been gone for six years, but she did send a few messages to John by way of a friend visiting the cabin. John's wife passed away in her sleep about three years ago for unknown reasons. As John said, she "entered this world peacefully and left in a peaceful silence." Soon after, he locked up his wife's cabin and moved back into his old cabin (he suggested that I could live there if I wanted, but I declined). He continued to live as he previously did and knew nothing of the horrors happening in the world until the messager stopped coming and he saw a lost soul for the first time.

     I asked how he could go on living his life without a purpose. He was shocked and offended by this question. He gave his answer. "Isn't living good enough? Isn't there purpose in happiness and in breathing a breath? So many people spend their lives in misery and will continue to do so no matter what you tell them. I'm merely balancing the scale by being satisfied with taking care of my life and smiling. And who are you to judge my life to have no purpose, a man who fell at my doorsteps, pleading for help? Without me, you probably would have died. If that is what you mean by purpose then yes, I have a purpose. When I came out here, I never expected to meet a woman, make her happy, make a child with her, raise her up right, but I did. You do not always find purpose, purpose finds you and let it find you prepared and willing!"

     I apologized to John and he accepted it. I suppose I could have summed up his speech, but I consider it something that should be remember and not just to die with the two of us. We talked more and I revealed my past. The talking made the time pass by very fast. I nearly ready to leave when I brought up the question as to why he didn't leave to find his daughter. I already had a few ideas as to why and it turned out I was right.

     "What happens if I leave here and Jane comes back to an empty cabin? I am long passed my prime and as much as I would like to find her, getting killed in the process won't save her and will only sadden her if she found out that happened to me. She'd have no one left in the world or at least from this world. Still, I often find myself wondering whether I should try."

     And that is why I am now off to Saint Angeles. The last message he received from her was that she was living there. He didn't ask me or intend to suggest that I go, but he knew I was going to try and bring her back. I couldn't agree with everything in his philosophy, but he was right: purpose does find you.

- Jack's Diary

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Jack's Diary - Day 9, September 24th 2013

     After the rampage, I left the town quickly. I could give a few reasons as to why, but they all have to do with feelings and meaning concerning the situation, subjects that I have no need or desire to look back on at the moment. No reason to think about stuff that could make you drift away, leaving your body vulnerable, even in the certainty of peace.
     On my way to the next town, I came across a few lost souls and came up with the demented idea to test my skills in gorilla warfare. With a few shouts, I brought the nearby ones into a large grouping of trees and one by one, I took each of them out, sometimes without the others hearing me strike. I was cautious to never let them get the upper hand, but knew events can turn sour so easily. Getting so close to them bothered me since it was always dangerous, but to someone who had no purpose, it wasn't a big deal. That was, until later that day. After my combat practice, I continued on my way. It was during this walk I heard a strange sound I hadn't heard in a while. It was the sound of a dog whining. It turned out it was a dog stuck high up in a tree (as backwards as that may sound). I saw no harm in trying to help it so I climbed up, never once questioning how it got up there. When I reached the branch it was on, I beckoned to it to come to me, but it looked away like it was ignoring me. I slowly approached it and was near enough to touch it when it turned around to face me. I could tell it had been infected, which made me jump back, vibrating the branch and making both me and the dog fall off. On my down, my head hit a branch and I fell flat on my stomach, a thirty foot drop. Afterward I struggled getting up, due to my now injured body and dizzy looking surroundings. I staggered off like a drunk, only looking around for the dog and finding it pierced on a tree branch.
     There's no doubt in my mind that I had a concussion and I knew that passing out was near unavoidable since I had no one with me to keep me awake. What I could do was find some place safe to pass out and hope I woke up again. Blood dripped down the back of my neck as I searched about me like a bear cub that had lost its mother. I had no sense of direction and knew that this time, I certainly would meet my end. That was, until I saw a small cabin. I limped over to it and tried to open the door to find it was locked. I pounded on it, saying "help" over and over. My world slowly became more blurry and my speech much further apart as I passed out against the door. The last thing I remember or more so felt was a falling sensation and crash as my limp body hit the ground.
     I had dreams, but I can't remember them now. They must not have been important. The only things I remember was when I woke up and saw John for the first time. He lived in the cabin and took me in after I'd passed out, just in case I'd been infected. I know that he thought this because I was tied to a bed when I woke up. He figured it was a safe assumption I was a soulless since I could still talk though he threatened to use force if I tried to leave, not until the large gash in my head was healed up. The only things I could do was talk with him, sleep, and write. I'm not going to write down too much of what we talked about, but I will say where I am going and why: Saint Angeles to find a young woman named Jane.

- Jack's Diary

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