Jack's Diary - It's All a Game - Day 80

*Morning*

            You’d think I’d have gotten used to these dreams by now. No matter how pressing the situation is in real life, my thoughts always come these dreams I’ve had. They seem so real. So realistic to the point where I believe that they are my reality, until they end.

            Last night, I dreamt I woke upon the ground, just beneath the tree we slept in. It was twilight out, not quite morning yet, but the light from the sun just below the horizon of the trees provided enough light to see. Mike and Julie were still up in the tree asleep and my body felt beat up so I assumed the rope that was holding me broke and I fell (the branches, while bruising me, must have slowed my descent and saved me or so I thought). I was about ready to climb back up when Ann appeared from behind a tree (Although I was looking the other way, I “sensed” her, in a way. I knew she was nearby and turned around). She was wearing a seductive red dress with straps on the shoulders and was barefoot. She walked off behind the tree again as I chased after her. In dreams, my logic is always misconstrued to a certain degree and my senses are dulled. I hadn’t noticed the lack of noise in the surrounding area, the lack of soulless or people, the fact that the trees were barren and dry, and the stench that any nose would’ve smelled; the smell of skunk. None of this became apparent to me until much later in the chase.

            I couldn’t catch her. Whenever I looked around a tree, I’d see the bottom of her skirt going off behind another one.

            “Stop running, Ann!”

            I started throwing knives as soon as I went around a tree (I never hit her, not even her dress). This went on for a few minutes. I was running out of breath. I rested myself against a tree, leaning on it with my hand and felt something wet. The trees were oozing a red substance (maybe blood or sap). The chase went on. I heard her laughing mixed with the sound of deep breathing (it wasn’t just mine, I’m sure of it). This “game” led me in circles until suddenly, coming around a tree, I ran into her. She grabbed both my arms and stared into my eyes, smiling. I tried to get free, but her grip on my arms got tighter and tighter until I felt like yelling. The pain was so intense that I dropped the knife I was holding. I tried kicking her, but she came right up to me, standing on my shoes and putting her chest against mine. Just as quickly as she had grabbed my arms, She pushed me back and fell on top of me, still smiling. Her knees were now pinning my legs down and the grip on my arms only got tighter has she leaned in to where he face was only an inch away.

            “The curtains are drawing to a close,” she said playfully.

            “Perhaps…” I stated, “but on who?”

            I tried to hit her with my head, but she moved back.

            “Oh Jack, you’re such a tease!” she said in a taunting way and laughed.

            “If you’re going to kill me then do it already. I’ve had enough.”

            “Awwww,” she said, as if speaking to a child, “Giving up? That doesn’t sound like you. I was hoping to have a little fun first. After all, you are my favorite toy but let’s get down to business. I have a proposal: since you were so gracious and stupid enough to let me accompany you, I thought it be common courtesy to extend to you the same offer.”

            There was no hesitation, “No.”

            “I’m sure you know what the other option is if you listened to my messagers.”

            “I’d rather die than end up like one of your slaves.”

            She smiled.

            “It’s amazing what a drop of my blood can do to someone. A small taste of my nectar is all I need. I just discovered this recently myself. Though I would never do that to you.”

            “Why is that?”

            “Because you and I are the same. I can feel it, can’t you? We are powerful, strong, and smart; we should stick together. Besides, I could sense the tension between us, before you had that first dream. You wanted me and in a small way, you still do.”

            “I’m nothing like you. I don’t stalk and mess with others for enjoyment.”

            At this, she laughed.

            “It’s strange what power can do to a person. Power is a subjective term. It applies to an essence that is capable of achieving, of doing,” she spouted off like a philosopher. “Those who have power can do as they wish and it’s only a matter of time before your shaky morals fall apart and you realize this. You can do so much more than you’re doing now yet you sit around day after day and fear me. No matter what you do, you can’t shake the feeling that my eyes are upon you and you are powerless to stop me. You look for reasons in what you do; a law or collection of knowledge to validate your decisions when none of that means anything to your decisions. In the end, you choose them because you know you can do as you wish despite what others think because you hold power over them, just as I hold power over you.” She continued, “By the time you decide, you will have no more power and your day in the sun will long since have ended.” She leaned in again, “Your life no longer entertains me so soon I’ll be moving on to a new show, right after one last game.”

            Just then, Mike and Julie appeared from behind a nearby tree behind us and shot Ann multiple times. She collapsed on top of me.

            “Jack, you alright?” asked Mike.

            I was about to answer when I heard Ann whisper, “Even your friends can’t save you…” she said. She quickly turned around and unloaded a clip on them from the gun she took from me. While my one arm was free, I drew a knife and stabbed her in the neck. It did nothing. She only dropped the gun, picked me up and threw me at Mike, who was just getting up after being shot. (I don’t know if Julie was dead, but she didn’t stand up). The guns that Julie and Mike brought with and dropped were mysteriously gone so I took out another knife and Mike took out his hatchet and we charged at Ann, who grabbed both of us by the neck and squeezed. She lifted us into the air as her grip tightened and I heard a subtle crack. Black.

            It was then that I woke up. Mike, Julie, and I were still hanging from the tree by rope. I looked through the scope on my sniper rifle to the camp. It was gone: the men, tents, and supplies were all gone. I instantly began shouting up to them, saying, “Mike! Mike!” I yelled.

            “What?!” he said waking up.

            “They’re gone! You said to wait and now they’re gone!”

            “Keep your voice down.” He said. He looked through his binoculars. “Damn…”

            I untied my rope from the branch, got down, and ran to the spot while Mike and Julie did the same. The spot was completely clean and unmarked; as if no one had camped there at all.

            “This doesn’t make sense. I saw them last night. They weren’t packing up at all. How could they do this so quickly and efficiently?” asked Mike. We were all at a loss for words. We searched the surrounding area to no avail. They were gone. I should have just came here myself and killed them all, maybe tortured a couple to get them to tell me where she is.

            Mike and Julie stopped and ate breakfast before we were to head out. I didn’t. I wasn’t hungry. I just wrote. Although I didn’t agree with her, Ann’s words still ring in my head, like a howling wind.

*Noon*

            There’s no sign of them anywhere. No footprints or dropped equipment. Julie suggested that the people at the camp were all magicians and just disappeared. With everything going on, it wouldn’t surprise me.

*Evening*

            This might be my last entry so anyone who finds my body has permission to have whatever equipment is left on me (though you were probably going to take it anyways without permission). We continued to search for the men that “disappeared”. After some time, we made our way into an open field because we saw something strange on top of the large rock near the center. From a distance, it looked like someone had painted and/or decorated it. We approached it and began to smell the horrible stench. The rock was covered is blood and crushed organs.

            “That’s disgusting,” said Julie.

            It was less than a second later that Mike yells, “Get down!”

            We dropped and gunshots were coming from all directions. There were men hiding in the tree line shooting at us. I drew my rifle and killed five of them while Mike and Julie shot in different directions, no doubt taking out a fair number of enemies as well. Just as quickly as they revealed their presence, the gunshots stopped and they left. A few scratches here and there, but for the most part, the three of us got out of that situation just fine, which seemed very odd. We were surrounded, had no cover, and were fired upon at a constant rate, and none of us were hit? It’s almost like they were trying to scare us. We got away from that boulder and searched the body. They all had the red irises and a wide variety of guns. I didn’t take an accurate count, but there had to be around 100 men in the camp and we killed 12.

            It didn’t stop there. Every few minutes as we were searching for them, I’d hear a subtle sound like a twig snapping or Mike would see something odd in the far distance and just like that, we get showered with bullets. However, we always won, but these sudden attacks are taking a toll on us. Julie hasn’t spoken a word in hours, Mike’s looking over his shoulder every minute, and my hand hasn’t let go of my gun in since the fifth attack. It’s all a game. Just one big game! One big bloody game!

            We’re hiding in a small cave right now and we’re taking turns watching.

*Night*

            I’m on watch. Seven attacks! Seven attacks since we stopped here! These aren’t even attacks! They’re target practice! The last two attacks were just plain unbelievable. They didn’t fire; they just stepped in front of the cave entrance and stood there until I shot them dead. I’m at a loss for words. They’re just bags of meat. There’s no victory until Ann is dead. Her puppets are nothing, but insects to me.

- Jack's Diary

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Jack's Diary - It is Ann - Day 73

*Early Morning*

            I went out and found some clothes to use as bandages and canned food (nearly expired, but still good). Mike refused to go back to base last night due to be almost unable to move so we had to stay put. It was probably for the best though. Also, a thought occurred to me: was Ann only teasing me about just how much control so had over our lives or was this something more sinister. Perhaps, she left Mike in such a state so that if I wanted to save him, I’d have to carry him back with him, giving her the chance to kill both of us. I’m not even sure that it was Ann anymore although Mike’s story is making me doubt this. He told me the last thing he remembered was being hung up in a room and that he saw a woman about Ann’s height and she had blood on her face (to hide her appearance, maybe). I then told him my side of the story of how I found him and what I found on him though I couldn’t tell him how I thought it was or at least not yet. Not until I was sure or at least until we got back to base where I could show him the dream written in blood.

*Noon*

            I’m keeping watch while Mike rests. No doubt whatever drug he was injected with is still in his bloodstream so he probably wouldn’t have been able to hold a gun if he needed to. From the rooftop to patrolling around city hall, I kept hoping I’d see something; a shadowy figure lurking or Ann, anyone I could blame this on so I could kill them. There wasn’t a soul or soulless around except for two that were licking up Mike’s blood from around the flagpole.

*Afternoon*

            Still nothing happening. Mike told me he remember one smaller detail, that the woman said, “Do not watch.” The words themselves weren’t as shocking as the realization behind them (not to mention, I never told Mike the exact words that were carved into his back so he couldn’t have been hallucinating). The message on Mike’s back was only meant for me and Mike was only the means to get it across in the cruelest way possible. Just as Ann said in the dream, she was interested in my adventures.

*Night*

            As selfish as it is, I am no longer worried about Mike as I am for myself. All this time, I’ve been looking for an excuse to put that nightmare to rest. Every time I had one of my panic attacks, although I’d never admit it before, I tried to convince myself it wasn’t real. It was all real. It is Ann. It is Ann. It is ANN! There’s no doubting it anymore. No theories and explanations. It’s her. Ann wants to watch a show and she’s willing to get involved to make it as entertaining as possible for her. And worst of all, I know that if I’d meet face to face with her again, I wouldn’t be able to defeat her. She could have easily snuck up on me last night and ended it there. Whatever she is, I know she’s too clever to be killed. This is all I know. I don’t know what powers she has and what intentions she has for everyone else at the base. I don’t care if Mike says no, we are leaving for base tomorrow even if I have to forcibly drag him. As soon as we get back, I’ll tell him, seeing as it is no longer just my problem anymore.

- Jack’s Diary

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Jack's Diary - Watch and Be Watched - Day 72

*Early Morning*

            Nothing happened or at least I hope nothing happened. I fell asleep for a few hours (paranoia can sure make you tired). I straightened myself, feed the canary some seeds, and went outside. There were a few people out on watch, but for the most part, everyone was still sleep. I climbed up on the wall and for once in a really long time, watched the sunrise.

*Morning*

            A relaxing view isn’t enough. I feel like a caged animal or a test subject. Just the idea of being watched is so disturbing and disgusting. I ended up going outside the base and killing a few soulless and not just quick kills; I rammed my machete through one of their backs and out their front (it interesting to hear a soulless gag). I also made it a point to see if I could pierce a soulless’ skull with just my machete. After a few adjustments with the speed and force of doing it, I succeeded. It was strangely… fun.

*Noon*

            I started looking over my old journal entries. That whole experience this morning made me realize that I have changed and not for the better. I always knew I had, but now the label human doesn't seem like an accurate description of me anymore. When I started out from the Hill, I was for the most part a pretty well put together person; I enjoyed nature and just wanted a purpose. Now, I’ve got over 100 murders under my belt and all this strange stuff keeps happening to me. And what worse, I’ve become a spectacle, a grand show for a demon, who when I compare her (it) from my dream to me, we are almost similar. Which makes me even more miserable.

*Afternoon*

            I resolved to put on a solid outer appearance despite this paranoid fear that I feel. I made four more silencers and then went for a walk. Mike was still working on that building project with Victor and the twins and I have no clue what he has planned with it. He wouldn’t tell me. Still, I managed to put on a brave face and have a conversation with him about the funny aspect of opening up a survival store when Moses brought up Ann. I left shortly after, not saying another word. Why can’t people let the name die! They haven’t seen her around so they automatically assume I should know since she hung around me like a necklace. If I don’t want to talk about it, they should shut up!

*Later Afternoon*

            This isn’t right. Mike and I went out to test some of the silencers I made today and yesterday. Early on, he kept talking about Ann; about how quiet and nice she was and that he hadn’t seen her in a while. I should’ve just told him she decided to leave or she got bitten and I shoot her. Both of those are believable and don’t sound insane, but I can just feel that lie coming back to bite me and everyone else later (quite literally if she enjoys human flesh). She poses a danger to more than just me. Going into the city since nature was slowly taking it back anyways, we found a young doe eating a plant that was growing between the cracks of the road. I intended to kill it with one of the rifles, but when I pulled the trigger, it backfired and made the top of the silencer container explode. I didn’t have time to check it out at the time since the sound brought soulless from all around the area to us, but I retrieved it when everything calmed down; it was a thick piece of metal that was shoved in front of the barrel (I’ll admit that I worked on a lot of these while drowsy and even partially blind, but there is no way that a piece of metal like that would end up blocking the barrel by accident. I’d never seen it before in my life). Anyways, Mike and I had to run. He ran down an alleyway and I jumped on top of a truck. I may have been able to make the jump to grab onto the side of a building, but I didn’t want to risk it being so far away. The soulless surrounded the truck, swinging their arms wildly at me, trying to knock me off. Every so often, one would get up on top with me from the front hood and I’d stab it through with the machete and kick it away just like earlier. I didn’t bring much in the way of weapons with me except for a handgun, my knives and machete, a few grenades, and the rifles (which I chose not to use at the time for fear they would backfire as well). The noise the soulless were making, banging their arms against the truck were bringing more of them. I decided to jump and make a run for it. The alleyway Mike went through was blocked by soulless in it so I ran down the street slicing and stabbing anything in my way. A few blocks down, I saw a car that had been driven through the front display window of a building so I used it as a step to reach the roof and then jumped to the accompanying building’s roof. I looked for Mike, but he was nowhere in sight.

            Now, as for that metal piece, someone had to have put it there intentionally. The other rifles I had with me were ones I recently made (judging from the different tapes that I used). None of them had anything blocking the barrel except for one, (a large metal piece just like the other) which I am certain this one was made yesterday as well. The thought of Ann doing this was believable enough for me to stop weighing the options and start looking for Mike once the excitement calmed down.

*Night*

            Found Mike alive, thankfully, but not in the best of shape. I was tempted to believe he went back to base, but I wanted to be sure he was all right. Building after building I searched. I found a small journal on the floor of a house (strangely, it was the only door I had to break down due to it being locked). After carefully disposing of the soulless that heard the commotion, I began leafing through it and it seemed to be Mike’s. I never saw his handwriting before, but it mentioned Julie, Victor, and me so I’m certain it is his. There was no sign of him there. I ended up finding him in a more menacing position. Near the city hall for this particular city was a flagpole. I have no idea what flags were hung there when civilization was bustling, but even in the distance, a dark red flag against the pale moonlight looked peculiarly odd. At its top, I saw Mike tied by his arms to the rope that held the flag up. Blood dripped down from his shoes as his body swayed in the wind with the flag. It took a little maneuvering to lower him down, but he made it to the ground safely. He was unconscious when I found him. The area where his wrists had been tied was rope-burned and near white from the lack of blood flow. There was a small mark on his neck, the kind that you’d receive from getting an injection. A section of his leg had been carved out like the inside of a canoe (I’m inclined to believe after looking at the flag closely that it was colored with his blood using that spot in his leg.). I carried him to the roof of city hall and wrapped up his wounds with pieces of the red flag, as I didn’t have a medical kit on me. I’m going to wait a while and hope that he wakes up so I can take him back to base. If he doesn’t before dawn, I’ll carry him back myself though it would leave both of us vulnerable. This is Ann’s doing. I’ve never been so certain of anything in my life. I don’t understand why she would do this to him, but it must be her, especially after finding the words carved into Mike’s back, “watch and be watched”.

- Jack’s Diary

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Jack's Diary - Day 7, September 22th 2013

     Still in the gambling town. I had to find some new clothes today. The old ones were covered in blood and gore after I went on a killing rampage. It was very spur of the moment and almost instinctual to me. It occurs very rarely though. This is partly why I prefer being in the company of others since being among other people suppresses this feeling. Then again, people annoy me and right now, I can't stand the thought of losing someone else. In the middle of the killing spree, I am very reckless and enraged. However, before it takes place, I always take precautionary measures; this time, I made sure my face and eyes were protected since just one drop of blood on an eye or in the mouth could possibly turn you. 

     I took out two machetes and charged outside. Most of the soulless were very docile and weak, making it so much easier to kill them. I can't remember much of what I did. I black out often, getting caught up in my rage. There must have been a lot of them because both of my arms are aching now. It's only in viewing the aftermath that I learn what I did. After I changed clothes, I walked outside with a relative ease of mind since most if not all danger was gone. Whenever this happens, there are always specific pools of blood and bodies in the streets where I believe I stood in one spot as the soulless charged at me. The center of the circles are always the driest part. Doors were broken in that were fine upon my arrival. Any soulless in the building when I go on a rampage are the unluckiest of all because they always end up in more bloody pieces. In one of the building, I thought I found a few bodies that looked like uninfected humans: a man, a woman, and a child. The bodies were still relatively fresh. I have no remorse if their death was by my hands (which I believe it was), but I hope it was not. After living like I have for so long, the death of a stranger means nothing and the death of a friend means little, but it does linger in my mind, especially when you lose everything.

     Right now, I'm tired. The rampages always take a toll on me. I realized a while ago I could never return to living like the regular person I was before this hell began. I've changed far too much to hope for peace in my future. Killing is not a part of who I am, I am a part of killing. There's been blood on my hands far too many times for it to wash off. Perhaps if order is ever established again and I'm still alive, I'll become a soldier for the army; that way, I can still kill when I feel the urge to and not go to jail. People would praise and reward me for my service. Praising me for a service I took to kill; what a funny world. 

- Jack's Diary

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