Jack's Diary - Until That Time - Day 86

*Early Morning*

            I don’t care what Moses thinks. It wasn’t my fault. What was I suppose to tell them when I had that first dream? I wasn’t even sure if all that stuff happening it was real. They would’ve told me it was just a dream or worse, locked me up for fear I’d gone nuts. Of all the things Ann could’ve done, that had to be her last act. To stand back and watch us kill each other. What the hell am I writing her name for still? Never again! No more!

            What puzzles me is why Moses was left alone. He woke up and everyone was gone. Why was he spared? (Maybe as an insurance policy in case “she” failed, Moses might have killed me, especially if Mike had been killed).

            We got up early and are about to continue to head for the Grand Oak River. Still no sign of Jess and Victor.

*Noon*

            Right now, I’m sitting up in a tree, still not in a 100 percent condition. Had I been previous, there would’ve been no contest in that fight with (just a series of punches and kicks I dodged and landed on him). Now we’re resting. All of my grenades and flash grenades are gone, but luckily, there was some ammo left over at the tree fort and our stop there allowed me to bring my other non-essential stuff along, like books (I left them there, expecting to come back if my mission was successful. Had I not, someone else would get them). I hope we’ll stop in a town again some day; it’d give me a chance to restock and make some more weapons.

            I’ve been thinking about that story. She said Carol had been a lab rat for a company. She couldn’t have been the only test subject; human testing labs always have more than one to more firmly establish that the test results apply to everyone and not just the test subject, even in extremely risky cases (you never want someone to question the results of your research because that could mean starting all over again). The thought of more nutcases isn’t comforting, but it’s possible the other subjects weren’t bitten, were killed, or they reacted differently than her (whose to say if that story is even real). If it is though, I’d like to find this company. Developing a substance to change the nature and jobs of cells is not an easy thing to do. Perhaps there’s more to the experiments and the company itself.

            Everyone’s quiet, probably thinking about Victor and Jess. Would you think less of me if I told you I didn’t care if they were alive? I don’t know why, I just don’t feel sad or worried. I wouldn’t abandon them and I’d lay down my lives for them, but I don’t miss them. I just don’t feel… anything.

*Afternoon*

            We reached it, Grand Oak River. Honestly, not really that grand. There was a flat rock outcropping, like a small cliff, eight feet tall next to the river bank. I was going to suggest we make a camp on it, but it would take considerable work to pitch and anchor a tent on a rock. After everything was set up, I got on top of the rock and looked out. There was something, like a town or city in the very far distance. Nothing else, but trees and birds.

            I went out and gathered some plants and berries. Many plants take advantage of the river water so vegetation was not in short supply. I also managed to catch two large frogs (one I speared by throwing a knife. I actually didn’t think it would work). I spent most of the afternoon cooking the frogs. Everyone tried it though I don’t know if they liked it.

            I’m starting to get a little concerned. I keep getting these migraines. They’re not extremely bad, but I never had them this often. I didn’t even notice them when they started, until they became a regular occurrence. I guess it’s kind of selfish for me to be thinking of myself at this time

*Evening*

            I’m on lookout right now with Mike. I’m thinking about things again. I can’t help, but ponder the line between right and wrong, for myself especially. There’s still no sign of Jess and Victor.

*Night*

            I just finished my lookout time with Mike. I now sit atop the rock and write this. The night’s quiet save for the sound of rushing waters and night creatures. There haven’t been many soulless bothering us. It’s funny, I used to always write about the soulless I encountered and killed. Now, I hardly mention them at all. Their intrusion has become a norm like eating and sleeping so much that I could kill 10 without even thinking twice. Even the faces are beginning to melt into one ugly image in my head.

            I’ve been rethinking my earlier statement, about what happened to everyone. It may just be my fault. It certainly isn’t the fault of those who died. Had I never met Mike and his group, I’d be dead and they never would’ve gotten involved in the matter. She would be alive too, but she probably would’ve found someone else to stalk. All those people, all those lives, every single one of them died because of me and it’s always how it is. No one stays alive for long when they’re around me except for Mike. If Jess and Victor don’t show up then that’ll only go to prove my point further. It’s like I have a grim reaper hovering over my head, pulling my strings and watching time unfold and the death count rise. If I can’t protect anyone then what the hell is the point of living? My entire purpose was centered on the idea that I could preserve lives, save people from a demise they would have met without me. It’s as if I’d help more if I didn’t exist. Maybe I should just spend my time killing soulless? I don’t see how any harm can come of that. Less soulless to bite and bother. If we ever reach another city or town, I might leave then, but not yet. Until that time, I’ll contemplate what to do next.

- Jack's Diary

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Jack's Diary - Watch and Be Watched - Day 72

*Early Morning*

            Nothing happened or at least I hope nothing happened. I fell asleep for a few hours (paranoia can sure make you tired). I straightened myself, feed the canary some seeds, and went outside. There were a few people out on watch, but for the most part, everyone was still sleep. I climbed up on the wall and for once in a really long time, watched the sunrise.

*Morning*

            A relaxing view isn’t enough. I feel like a caged animal or a test subject. Just the idea of being watched is so disturbing and disgusting. I ended up going outside the base and killing a few soulless and not just quick kills; I rammed my machete through one of their backs and out their front (it interesting to hear a soulless gag). I also made it a point to see if I could pierce a soulless’ skull with just my machete. After a few adjustments with the speed and force of doing it, I succeeded. It was strangely… fun.

*Noon*

            I started looking over my old journal entries. That whole experience this morning made me realize that I have changed and not for the better. I always knew I had, but now the label human doesn't seem like an accurate description of me anymore. When I started out from the Hill, I was for the most part a pretty well put together person; I enjoyed nature and just wanted a purpose. Now, I’ve got over 100 murders under my belt and all this strange stuff keeps happening to me. And what worse, I’ve become a spectacle, a grand show for a demon, who when I compare her (it) from my dream to me, we are almost similar. Which makes me even more miserable.

*Afternoon*

            I resolved to put on a solid outer appearance despite this paranoid fear that I feel. I made four more silencers and then went for a walk. Mike was still working on that building project with Victor and the twins and I have no clue what he has planned with it. He wouldn’t tell me. Still, I managed to put on a brave face and have a conversation with him about the funny aspect of opening up a survival store when Moses brought up Ann. I left shortly after, not saying another word. Why can’t people let the name die! They haven’t seen her around so they automatically assume I should know since she hung around me like a necklace. If I don’t want to talk about it, they should shut up!

*Later Afternoon*

            This isn’t right. Mike and I went out to test some of the silencers I made today and yesterday. Early on, he kept talking about Ann; about how quiet and nice she was and that he hadn’t seen her in a while. I should’ve just told him she decided to leave or she got bitten and I shoot her. Both of those are believable and don’t sound insane, but I can just feel that lie coming back to bite me and everyone else later (quite literally if she enjoys human flesh). She poses a danger to more than just me. Going into the city since nature was slowly taking it back anyways, we found a young doe eating a plant that was growing between the cracks of the road. I intended to kill it with one of the rifles, but when I pulled the trigger, it backfired and made the top of the silencer container explode. I didn’t have time to check it out at the time since the sound brought soulless from all around the area to us, but I retrieved it when everything calmed down; it was a thick piece of metal that was shoved in front of the barrel (I’ll admit that I worked on a lot of these while drowsy and even partially blind, but there is no way that a piece of metal like that would end up blocking the barrel by accident. I’d never seen it before in my life). Anyways, Mike and I had to run. He ran down an alleyway and I jumped on top of a truck. I may have been able to make the jump to grab onto the side of a building, but I didn’t want to risk it being so far away. The soulless surrounded the truck, swinging their arms wildly at me, trying to knock me off. Every so often, one would get up on top with me from the front hood and I’d stab it through with the machete and kick it away just like earlier. I didn’t bring much in the way of weapons with me except for a handgun, my knives and machete, a few grenades, and the rifles (which I chose not to use at the time for fear they would backfire as well). The noise the soulless were making, banging their arms against the truck were bringing more of them. I decided to jump and make a run for it. The alleyway Mike went through was blocked by soulless in it so I ran down the street slicing and stabbing anything in my way. A few blocks down, I saw a car that had been driven through the front display window of a building so I used it as a step to reach the roof and then jumped to the accompanying building’s roof. I looked for Mike, but he was nowhere in sight.

            Now, as for that metal piece, someone had to have put it there intentionally. The other rifles I had with me were ones I recently made (judging from the different tapes that I used). None of them had anything blocking the barrel except for one, (a large metal piece just like the other) which I am certain this one was made yesterday as well. The thought of Ann doing this was believable enough for me to stop weighing the options and start looking for Mike once the excitement calmed down.

*Night*

            Found Mike alive, thankfully, but not in the best of shape. I was tempted to believe he went back to base, but I wanted to be sure he was all right. Building after building I searched. I found a small journal on the floor of a house (strangely, it was the only door I had to break down due to it being locked). After carefully disposing of the soulless that heard the commotion, I began leafing through it and it seemed to be Mike’s. I never saw his handwriting before, but it mentioned Julie, Victor, and me so I’m certain it is his. There was no sign of him there. I ended up finding him in a more menacing position. Near the city hall for this particular city was a flagpole. I have no idea what flags were hung there when civilization was bustling, but even in the distance, a dark red flag against the pale moonlight looked peculiarly odd. At its top, I saw Mike tied by his arms to the rope that held the flag up. Blood dripped down from his shoes as his body swayed in the wind with the flag. It took a little maneuvering to lower him down, but he made it to the ground safely. He was unconscious when I found him. The area where his wrists had been tied was rope-burned and near white from the lack of blood flow. There was a small mark on his neck, the kind that you’d receive from getting an injection. A section of his leg had been carved out like the inside of a canoe (I’m inclined to believe after looking at the flag closely that it was colored with his blood using that spot in his leg.). I carried him to the roof of city hall and wrapped up his wounds with pieces of the red flag, as I didn’t have a medical kit on me. I’m going to wait a while and hope that he wakes up so I can take him back to base. If he doesn’t before dawn, I’ll carry him back myself though it would leave both of us vulnerable. This is Ann’s doing. I’ve never been so certain of anything in my life. I don’t understand why she would do this to him, but it must be her, especially after finding the words carved into Mike’s back, “watch and be watched”.

- Jack’s Diary

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