Jack's Diary - Too Long - Day 123

     It's been too long since I last wrote, mostly because I've been too busy with the present and didn't think I'd be alive too much longer so I couldn't risk wasting time with writing. I'm not dead yet, but it's clear I'm living on borrowed time. I now sometimes forget where I am momentarily, have intense migraines, and I feel a lot more tired (fortunately, these don't happen too often and very rarely during "interactions" with other people). It's terrifying, yet sobering to be at death's door. You see what's important and I'm still strong enough to do something.
     Mike and the others didn't come along with me. I expected as much, but still wish they were here. I just want to make a difference before I die. I don't want to leave this world with a whimper, I want to go out fighting. Grant had the right emotions, but devoted them to the wrong thing. He gave up on doing what's right and chose to do only what gave him pleasure. I intend to succeed, even if I end up alone. I'm not angry with them. I could never be. Julie spoke to me just before I left. Even with a foggy memory, our exchange of words comes through clear.
     "You sure you want to do this?" she asked, her face still beat up from Grant. I was hobbling myself.
     "Yes."
     "I'm sorry," she said, almost unable to look me in the eye.
     "About what?" I asked.
     "That guy said you only have a few months to live. No one else knows except me and Mike."
     "Yah, that reminds me. I have you to thank for being alive right now. Had you not shot Grant, I'd be dead already. I owe you my life."
     She smiled and said, "If that's true, can I have your sword?"
     "As much as I'd like to give it to you, I need every edge that I can get now that I'll be on my own again. I've only got a short time left to accomplish my goal."
     "You're goal? What's that?"
     "Let's leave that as a surprise," I said turning away, "C'ya, Julie."
     As I walked away, although I didn't look back, I could somehow picture the scene behind me; a group of frowning faces, some waving, some looking away. I didn't talk much during my time with them. There really wasn't much to talk about, but even leaving a home you never liked brings a subtle feeling of sorrow to a time and season that's passed. It's all just memories and words upon paper and soon, the memories will be gone.
     I suppose the reason I'm writing is for good news. I've gathered about three-fourths of the supplies needed to begin Operation Inferno (it tickles me a little with excitement each time I say). Bases and groups of survivors so generously "gave" me plenty of supplies. For all the enemies I already killed off from my previous time before meeting Mike, I think I made five times the amount of enemies. I tried to "accept" these supplies as discreetly and sneakily as possibly, but I often got too greedy. Not happy with having to kill and injure so many people. In my defense though, I did give most of them fair warning (I'd recently been doubting my skill, but having detained/killed 30 people attempting sneak attacks where I slept and having taken on a base of 20 guys alone, I feel awesome). I've also gotten pretty good with the katana; I've already decapitated two soulless and one guy's arm (I warmed him) though I'm definitely not samurai level yet. I also found an ideal city to set up the operation; it's a good size, not too many soulless and almost no survivors living in it and it's only 15 miles away from where Mike is (thought I'd let him see the results). Whenever I find supplies, I bring them back here.
     I've got to be honest. I can't take all the credit for everything I've written her. Twelve days ago, I was searching houses and cars for tools, wood, sprinklers, and gasoline having just visited a small base about two miles away. I came upon a little tin shack. It looked like a tool shed so I went over to it, expecting to find some lumber or oil or something. It was locked. I lightly knocked to see if anyone was living there. That's when I saw a shadow approaching from the left, slowly growing in size. In a flash, I drew my handgun with my left hand, fired right into a guy's chest, then I quickly drew my katana with my right and whipped it to my right (suspecting there to be more) and the blade cut a woman's lip, throwing her off balance and I shot her. It didn't look like there was anyone else, that is, until someone landed on top of me, having jumped from tool shed's roof. She nearly had me pinned except for my right arm, which I quickly took advantage of and blindly elbowed her twice, the second   time hitting her throat. I shoved her off, stood up, and proceeded to land one powerful forward kick to her chin, sending her flying back. This knocked her unconscious. The gun fire brought more soulless than I expected, which created a problem. Usually I would stay, kill them, and continue gathering supplies, or if there really were too many, I'd shove anyone still barely alive who was too weak or too stupid to run in a car, house, or base. There was nothing near by to stuff her into and I couldn't just leave her there (in defending myself, I hadn't even looked at her in the face; in her twenties, very pretty, and just had a look of peace about her. It was one of the few times I felt guilty about defending myself). I picked her up, carrying her like the firemen do, and made the sprint to the closest building in sight, holding the katana in my free hand. When I got there, I rushed up to the second floor and barricaded the door. Eventually, I knew they'd lose interest.
     Later, when she woke up, upon recognizing me, she backed up into a corner, pulled out a knife along and picked up a chair with the other hand. I won't go into the long details, but I'll give you the summary. I eventually talked her down to putting her weapons away, explaining myself and why I was at that tool shed. The people I killed were her friends so she held resentment toward me. I told her about my plan and although she thought it was crazy and only something a moron would do, she chose to help (I think this was because she hoped to kill me or I'd die in the process). Her name is Katy. The first few days were pretty rough with her getting a hold of a gun or something and trying to kill me. I always got the upper hand and stopped her. It reached the point where I went back on my desire not to have hurt her in the first place. Had she did this a few more times, I'd have killed her until on one attempt, she broke down and starting sobbing on my shoulder. Afraid the noise would draw soulless, I tried to calm her. She was angry with me, but she was also alone for the first time in a long time and I was the only person left. I'm sure she could have left and found others, but it's human nature to stick with the familiar, especially when you're scared. I knew the feeling. I told her about my imminent death, thinking at the time it would make her happy. It just made her cry more. From then on, we grew closer and so far, she hasn't tried to kill me again. At night, we talk about our pasts and the stuff we like. There are times where she'll stop for a few moment before quietly continuing the conversation, probably remembering I'm the guy who killed her friends. I taught her survival, combat, weapon, scavenging, and hunting skills. She really didn't have much to teach me, but she did take care of me when the problems resulting from the drugs began becoming worse. Funny. Just when things seem so good in my life is when it's coming to an end. Fate is strange. You'd think with all this time we're spending talking and training that the operation would be moving slower, but it's moving just as fast.
     One more good thing. Now that I have a traveling companion, I have someone to fulfill my wishes after death. I've given her instructions on what to do with my body. I'm leaving everything in her hands, including the plans for Operation Inferno. I told her I hope she'll continue it after I'm gone because one go isn't going to be enough.
     She fell asleep an hour ago. I feel the urge to do many things. To get up and kiss her on the forehead, to radio Mike and let him know I'm alright, but it's not the right time yet. I think I'll go to bed. Hopefully, I'll live to see tomorrow.

- Jack's Diary

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Jack's Diary - Bloody Memories - Day 66

            I searched all night and there was no sign of Mike; just broken in windows and doors and bloody, dirty objects around me. The soulless wandered the streets like ants searching for food, hoping to come across some smell or sound. I couldn’t believe I managed to search an entire town from top to bottom in darkness. It was during that search that I realized an important question: why did I come out here in the first place (I didn’t forget about Mike; I’m just questioning the reasoning)? Don’t get me wrong, I care about Mike and everyone else, but I remember writing before we went on that last mission that it would be the last time I watch over Mike. Right now, I should be trying to gather explosives or find as much information as I can about making C4 or dynamite (or something else that explodes). Instead, I’m wandering around aimlessly looking for Mike when he may not even be in trouble or alone for that matter (Julie’s probably with him. It’s good to travel with others). For now on, Mike’s going to have to take care of himself. I certainly can’t be spending my time looking over him like he was a child or treating him like one.

            Still, I’d be lying if I said the search was a waste of time: a few of the places I searched were a chemistry lab, a hospital, a library, a police station, and a gag toy store. I now have plenty of chemicals, beakers, tubes, medical tools, books, toys, and a police club (the guns in the police station had already been taken). The soulless weren’t too big of a hassle. Whenever one got too close, I pulled out my machete and stuck it up through their chins, piercing their brain. I wasn’t able to break through the top of the skull from the inside, as much as I wanted to. Only a few took a running charge at me for no reason, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. A kick, a stab, a shove, a stab, and another stab and the danger passed.

            I had already searched one entire town without finding Mike so when morning came; I headed out to find another. The road to the next town had a car accident occur on it awhile ago; a three car pileup with a rotting skeleton hanging out the window of the unlucky driver whose car was on the bottom. The panic when this all took place was just as horrifying as our resulting present. People were trampled to death running from the charging soulless, boarding up the doors and windows of their homes until either the soulless broke in or they broke out looking for food. So much fear, so much betrayal, and indifference for a fellow man it makes me ill just thinking about it. We could’ve been much better off had we stood together, but when times get tough, they run. Humans back then always ran away from what they feared or dreaded whether it be pain, work, or relationships. We are different now; we’re no longer innocent. The innocent died long ago.

            I could see the town or city (I can’t always tell the difference anymore) from the road leading in, I realized it was the same town that Jane had died in. Just as people never forget a face, I don’t forget, period, especially not with something like this. Although I doubted that Mike would come here, he did once so I figured he might have again. Walking down the street, the memories of times passed rushed back to me. It feels like years when it has only been a month or so. I saw the street where the hunters held us at gunpoint, proclaiming we’d get a trial before being killed. There was a black mark on the street from where I threw the flash grenade. I had planned to search for supplies, but I was just lost in memories; horrible memories, but memories all the same. The town or city had very few soulless, but a lot of half eaten, rotting corpses (the hunters that were killed during that long fight no doubt). I wanted to find more memories. I had to look down eight alleyways before I found the one where Matt had sacrificed himself for me. It was definitely the right one; a dead corpses, almost completely eaten, laid flat on the ground with a few men about 15 feet away with broken flashlights. As much as I wanted to bury the body, it would be just too much work to go through. I looked around and found an old painter’s tarp to lay over him. He still had his gun with him so I took it (he won’t be needing it in the afterlife). The trail of memories dissipated as a thunderous sound of feet slamming against the pavement came my way. In the entrance to one of the alleyways appeared 6 soulless who charged at me, taking no time to survey their surrounds. In an instant, I tossed a trashcan at them, knocking most of them down. Systematically, I took each of them down one by one while knocking or pushing the others still alive away. It was quick, but so was the follow up group of soulless, probably drawn by the trashcan I tossed. While I attempted the same strategy again, another group of soulless entered from the other side as well. Upon realizing this, I shoved my way passed the first group and ran out of the alley. In the distance, I saw a one-floor building with a low roof, low enough for me to climb up. Usually, I’m faster than most soulless, but all the supplies I had were weighing me down to the point where I was barely leading them (I’d drop them if I had to). Even with this handicap, I made it to the building and watched as the soulless clawed at the roof like a bunch of fish swimming to the surface, expecting to be fed. I emptied my handgun clip into them and watched as they twitched a little before ceasing to live. I hopped down and headed back to the alley; I wasn’t finished paying my respects (or seeing if he had anything else useful). The only things I could find on him was a few extra clips, a very nice pocketknife, his wallet, and a little cassette tape. (I know going through someone’s stuff is an invasion of privacy, but he’s dead and he didn’t seem to mind). Inside the wallet was some cash, his ID card (both useless now), some pictures, and a small lock picking kit. I put the wallet back while keeping the kit. I wasn’t sure what to do with the cassette tape, considering I hadn’t seen or used one since I was a kid. Still, I thought it may have something interesting on it so I decided to keep it. (Perhaps I can stop at a Radioshack and see if any cassette players are in stock).

            As I left the alley, I saw a few men walking down the street looking into windows and down alleyways. It appeared as if they were looking for something. I thought perhaps they heard the gunshots and are looking to kill me for my supplies. I didn’t want to find out. I left through the other alley entrance and snuck quietly through the rest of the city without finding Mike. Before leaving, I stopped at the spot where Jane and Duke had “died”. All I found were shreds of clothing and a stain of blood on the concrete. There were no bodies, meaning they turned. I wanted to kill them, or end their suffering (more so Jane. She’s deserves to rest), but I couldn’t find the bodies. I even stayed an extra hour looking at every soulless I passed. It’s possible that they left the city to find, like any animal does when the area is devoid of it.

            I left the city after my search brought no familiar soulless. It was already dark and I wanted to rest so I climbed up a tree and wedged myself in between some branches and began writing. I wasn’t hungry, thirsty, or tired; I just wanted to rest. There’s just too much happening. Too many things on my mind that I try to distract myself with the present or the distant past, but it doesn’t make it go away. Somehow, I don’t expect sleep to be in my schedule for quite some time.

- Jack's Diary

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Jack's Diary - Day 41

     I've spoken with Mike about his brother and he said he'd talk to him. Something tells me it won't go well. If nothing changes then I don't think I'll be sticking around to watch everyone die off. As much as I'd like to help them, they need to help themselves first. Not to mention the danger that group we met in the city poses if they find us. Although it is just a nagging notion in my mind, I don't think the boss is dead. He wasn't bleeding when we left so he could've easily been wearing a bullet-proof vest (he might be crazy, but he seemed intelligent and definitely not stupid enough to blindly walk into his own demise). Anyways, danger does not frighten me; it's people who value possession over life. It always leads to destruction. What I told Moses was correct and he doesn't want to give up control of the base, not even for the greater good. I suppose only time will tell if doom is on the horizon.
     Back at the base, I took care of my wounds properly and afterwards, I began sorting through firearms with Jessie. I still can't look her in the eye, but I can work with her. Lexi joined us later on. The base had an ample amount of guns and ammo, along with some melee weapons. It bothered me a little that there was nothing else, such as grenades, smoke bombs, tazers, bow and arrows, bear traps, or anything other than guns. Guns are fine if you're looking to get to point A and back, but what if another task was at hand? What if one of the people here at the base had a nervous breakdown and got ahold of gun. A gun would stop them in their tracks (dead in their tracks), yet a gazer or tranquilizer would work and it would save someone since we need all the help we could get. The people here at the base relies exclusively on guns yet they don't seem too concerned with the fact that no one manufactures ammo anymore and once it is all gone, what will they be left with? Just a bunch of devices that no longer have any use. Perhaps it's wrong to lay such a judgment on the base, especially when comparing it to my old base. Still, the future does not look bright if nothing changes.
     After we were done sorting, I left the base to gather some food and supplies. The area around the base had a lot of plants and trees, allowing me to find plenty of berries and plants and good tree branches. I took them back in and started working on making some of my own weapons. Surprisingly, the base had a lot of scrap parts and other random items lying around in piles so I "borrowed" some of them. As night approached, I had already finished some of my creation: with some sheet metal and rope, I made my own bullet proof vest, with an old car battery and a toy gun I found, I made a gazer/torture device, with a numbing liquid I created from grinding up some of the plants I gathered and a spring loaded gun, I made a tranquilizer gun, and with two bricks I carved out, I made two brick knuckles (I'd say brass, but they're not made of brass). I still working on the bow and arrow (I haven't quite gotten the tension to stay in the bow string), the trap is near finished, and I made a wooden spear with a rope attached to it. I'm still in the process of developing some kind of explosive material and a chemical that will produce smoke out of the materials that I have access to, but this is a step in the right direction. I'm thinking that tomorrow, I'll go out and try and find a gardening shop and bring back all the seeds I can carry. Even if I can't plant them, they'll be great for baiting birds.

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Jack's Diary - Day 38, November 7, 2013

            Although I wasn’t extremely tired from the previous ordeal, I just wanted to go back to my room. I was still surprised that I managed to get Lexi out of there without any harm being done to her. It felt good to succeed, for once.

            When I got back to my room, I think I must have slept for hours yet there was no rest to be found. All I saw when the dreams came upon me was the face and screams of Jane as she was being eaten alive and burned by the raging fire. Even when the memories seem so far away, they loom in my consciousness like a dust cloud that refuses to clear.

            I woke up with my ankle still hurting a little from the day before. I found a message from Mike on the nightstand. Basically, he apologized for making me promise to keep Lexi safe (which I would’ve done anyway), he’s going out alone to gather supplies because the base is running out of supplies, he wants me to meet with his brother Moses to help out, and not to tell Lexi where he went. Although I don’t approve of him leaving the base alone, there’s nothing to be done about it now. These jobs and troubles aren’t things he should be taking on alone. After I’d finished reading, I folded the letter up, put it in my pocket, and went to find Moses. It took me about an hour to find him since I had no idea where to find him or what he looked like. I asked everyone and finally found him. I introduced myself.

            “Oh, so you’re Jack. Glad to meet you,” he said.

            “Mike said that you needed some help with the barricades,” I said.

            “Yes, we could use some help. You can start nailing the wooden boards to the fence over there. Then place the scrap sheet medal overtop.”

            So I went to work. While we were working, I began telling Moses about my ideas to increase supplies and water in the base (rain collector, planting crops, hunting methods and traps, water purification system) as well as some weapons that could be made from materials in the surrounding areas. He listened, but only replied with, “Sounds interesting. I’ll think about it.”

            I was never good at reading people, but I knew that tone in his voice very well. I heard it throughout my life. It was the tone used when people are subtly telling you they either think your ideas are stupid or they just don’t care. I wasn’t about to let the matter go this time.

            “Exactly what’s wrong with the ideas?” I asked.

            “Nothing. They sound great,” using that same tone.

            “You’re right. They are great, but I know you don’t think they are. If you did, you would have already begun making plans to start them.”

            “Priority must come first.”

            “Food and water are a priority.”

            “Safety is the main priority. If we don’t get the walls ready, we could easily be overrun,” he said to me, finally looking away from the wall with a serious tone in his words.

            “No one is ever truly safe. A group of outsiders could easily infiltrate this place with enough firepower and determination. And a large group of soulless could knock down any of these walls given enough time.”

            He paused for a moment; probably trying to figure out what I meant by soulless. “If everything you said is true, then we should focus on defenses. Besides, we have enough food for a few more days and can scavenge for more later.”

            “From where exactly? I haven’t been here long, but you’ve probably already looted the nearby grocery marts and storage buildings. Canned foods don't grow on trees. What are going to do when the surrounding area has been picked dry of food?”

            “We’ll cross that bridge once we get to it,” he said. I began to detect a hint of anger in his voice.

            “By the time you cross that bridge, your people will have starved to death.”

            “That’s enough!” he yelled. “You don’t give the orders around here. We don’t have time to be plowing fields and hunting for animals when at any second, we could all be killed. I suggest you get your priorities straight.”

            “Funny. I was about to say the same thing about you,” I replied.

            Moses took a swing at me, but I blocked it. He was surprised by this, however, the look of distain on his face never went away. “I suggest you stay out of my sight. If you want to plant crops then go start your own base. Until then, you follow my orders. Understand?”

            “You’re a complete fool,” I responded. I then walked away back to the house. There’s no point in building a wall when there could soon be nothing to protect. When Mike gets back, he and I are going to have a talk.

            On my way to my room, I saw Lexi looking in a few of the rooms. I thought it was best just to walk passed her so she wouldn’t ask me anything. It didn’t work.

“Have you seen Mike?” asked Lexi. It turned out I could answer this question honestly.

            “No. I haven’t seen him all day.”

            She walked away. I entered and closed the door to my room. As I stared out the window, I saw just how barren the base really was. There was no green at all; nothing, but walls and weapons in the hands of the men who walked by. I guess this is what prison is like. It was then I realized that I might have another problem. Lexi may not be a genius, but she wasn’t stupid. She’d eventually figure out that Mike wasn’t at the base and she might be dumb enough to go out looking for him so I left my room and went to the base entrance and sat by it. It was the only way out of the base that I knew of and Lexi was about four feet shorter than the walls so she wouldn’t be able to jump over them. Still, I kept my eyes open just in case she tried.

            When night finally came, I heard footsteps approaching the entrance. It was Lexi carrying a bag of supplies. There were no lights so she couldn’t see me. The only reason I could see her was because she was in the path of the moonlight. As she reached for the door, I grabbed her arm.

            “You’re not going after him,” I told her.

            “You knew before, didn’t you?”

            “Yes, but that doesn’t change a thing.”

            “He could be hurt. I have to find him.”

            She began to struggle so I picked her up and began carrying her back to the house.

            “Let go of me!” she yelled.

            “Would you keep it down? Do you want to draw attention to the base?”

            She stopped making noise, but continued to struggle with me.

            “Lexi, stop it! He told me not to tell you.”

            “I don’t care.”

            “Well, he does. Besides, do you really think you’d be able to find him out of all the directions he could have went? What if you leave and he comes back? Then he’ll have to go out again to get you, putting himself in harms way again.”

            She stopped struggling. I put her down.

            “Putting yourself in danger isn’t going to bring him back here. You need to wait.”

            “What if he doesn’t come back?” She said, almost on the verge of tears.

            “If he’s not back by tomorrow, I’ll go out and find him and I won’t come back until I’ve found him.”

            That statement seemed to satisfy her enough for me to walk her back to the house. After she went into her room, I waited outside until she went to sleep and then went back to the entrance. I just made another promise, an unnecessary one. I could have just shoved her in her room and locked the door (I was tempted to do that before leaving the house again). Unlike the last one, I brought this upon myself. However, I wanted to have a jump-start so that I might succeed. Perhaps I should start looking for Mike now. Anyways, I decided to go outside the base and sit high up in a tree. Right now, I writing this wondering if I stay until morning or venture into the night.

- Jack's Diary

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