Jack's Diary - The Stare Exchange - Day 53

     Sick again. A few minutes after Mike gets up, he's down again. At this rate, it might take us months to reach the Valors base. I suppose that could be both a good and bad thing. At this point, I just want to go back to our base. Perhaps I should talk about happier things or at least more interesting things. We have a new member.
     When I came back, I alerted Mike to the men I'd heard (I was surprised to see him up). I also noticed the new member. Her name is Evie. She carries a puppy with her as strange as it may sound (in times like these, another unnecessary responsible seems risky, especially one that needs food and water). Anyways, Mike directed us to approach the men. We were cautious about doing so and I really couldn't tell if they were shifty or not. When they inquired about the girls, it should have been a dead give away. We gave them some of our food and they replay us by shooting at us. We were already at an exit to the sewers leading to a gathering of trees. The others ducked for cover while Mike and I disposed of the men. Evie seemed shocked and frightened at how we handled the situation. It was almost as if she'd never seen someone killed before. I told her that this is the way we handle things when our friends are threatened (or something like that). She was hesitant to come along with us, but she chose to. Not long after, Mike collapsed and we set up camp again outdoors. I decided to survey the surrounding area; there were no other survivors near by. There were a grouping of soulless in the distance, but they were far enough away not to give us trouble. I found a good piece of oak and began carving it with a knife to make a walking stick (Mike's going to need all the help he can get).
     A few hours passed. Victor had started to prepare dinner while Julie and Ann went to gather fire wood. Then I saw Evie far off from our camp, sitting on the grass. I couldn't tell what she was doing. I waited about 10 minutes before approaching her, with questions running through my head like "Who is she?", "Why should we trust her?", "Why does she seem different?". Well, curiosity got the better of me. She saw me in the distance walking toward her, all the time her eyes were fixed on me, weary of my intentions. I could seed she'd been playing with her puppy, who now looked up at her inquisitively. It looked like she had something behind her back (probably a weapon). I didn't want to get too close.
     "I don't think we formally met. My name is Jack."
     She had this distrusting look on her face, the same one I probably had upon mine.
     "My name is Evie."
     We stared at each other for a moment longer before I sat down on the grass facing her. I didn't have my hand on a weapon, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ready to draw my gun if she made a move. We stared at each other intently. Neither one of us spoke. It may have been one of the most awkward moments of my life. I was never a man for patience so I came right out and said it.
     "Are you staying with us or what?"
     "I'm not sure," was her response.
     "I suggest you make up your mind soon. You're either with us or against us."
     She didn't like what I said.
     "It wasn't a threat. I just don't want someone who might betray us loitering about."
     "You don't have to worry about that," she said.
     "So you say. If I took promises at face value, I would've been killed long ago."
     It seems she trusted me enough to take her death stare off me and look at her dog. She held him close.
     "What do you want?" Evie asked.
     I paused a moment to gather my thoughts. "I came over here to inquire about you. Perhaps that's not as important as I once thought if you're not staying with us. Then again, why should I expect you to join us? You don't know a thing about us."
      It appeared that I struck a chord with her because there was something in that look of hers (which is strange because reading facial expressions are not one of my skills).
     "If you want to know anything about us; if anything about who we are or what we do seems strange or is bothering you, just ask."
     She waited a moment. "Yes, something is bothering me, but you better not tell your leader what I'm about to say."
     "Fine. What is it?" I asked.
     "Is Mike a good leader?" she asked.
     "Why do you ask?"
     "What do you mean by why do I ask?! I'm not going to follow a stupid leader into battle!" she yelled at me. She calmed herself before continuing, "Because of him, those two men almost killed us. I know he's sick, but I don't want to be put in a situation like that again."
     Well, in this case, I shouldn't tell Mike what I'm about to say because he'd punch me if he heard.
     "He's not stupid, but he's not really experienced yet."
     "Then why is he leading all of you?" she asked.
     That's a pretty good question. I've questioned it myself.
     "There's a few reasons. I could lead, but I choose not to and Mike's a lot smarter and level headed than most of the other members."
     "Wait. You choose not to?"
     "I don't like the idea of having all of the decisions I make dictate whether someone lives or dies. Awhile ago, due to some poor decisions and a betrayal of one of my companions, a former group I had all ended up dying except for me."
     "Well, you sure are building up your group," she said in a sarcastic tone. "Why in the world should I stay with you guys?"
     "So we're not perfect. Why don't we get off the subject of my group and talk about you; if you're so great, why are you looking into joining up with other survivors?"
     She appeared a little phased by the question. "For security."
     "What? Can't protect yourself?" I asked tauntingly.
     "I can defend myself fine. Watch!"
     Evie stood up and drew a throwing knife slowly, showing it to me and then threw it at a far off tree. It hit it and sunk into the bark. Her skill and speed were impressive. I drew a knife of my own, a thin pocket knife, showing it to her and threw it at the same tree. It hit the tree a little bit lower than her's, but it sunk in as well.
     "So you have some skill with throwing knives. So do I. I noticed you don't have a gun though." She gave me a look that told me she thought I was a jerk. "How long do you think it'll be before your staring down the barrel of a gun and all you'll have is a knife?"
     "I've looked out for myself just fine up until now. I don't need you or your friends," she said very firmly.
     "No, but you need what we have to offer. We have food, supplies, guns, and people; all the things that could make your life easier and I know you understand just how vulnerable you are when you're by yourself."
     "I have Sam with me," was her response.
     "Oh, and what's he going to do. Lick your enemies to death." I knelt down to look at Sam. I noticed that he never looks at me for very long. I even stared directly at him and waved my hand in front of his field of vision. It would only distract him for a moment before he went back to whatever he was doing. It was as if to him, I wasn't even there. I stood back up to end my argument with her.
     "One thing I can say about this group is that we don't leave friends behind. If any one of them were in trouble, I'd go and help them, even if what stood in my way meant certain death. Can you say that about anyone you ever knew."
     She'd been avoiding eye contact with me for a while. She sat down and looked at Sam while I went to get our knives. When I returned, I heard her mumble the words, "I'll stay for the time being at least."
     It was good enough for me. From there, I answered her other questions about the group and I got around to asking about her past and where she got Sam. I listened intently, but I can't remember what she or I said very well so I'm not going to write down a half true story (I'm surprised I remembered as much of our conversation as I did. First impressions I guess). It started to get dark so we headed back to camp. One thing she said to me was troubling though. She asked something along the lines of "Are you sure Mike is alright?" Well, he's sick so no, but maybe she meant something else, perhaps on his mental state.
     Well, I think it would be good to have her with us. Unlike the others, she seems to have combat skills and probably has a lot more to offer though I didn't ask if she could even use a gun. If that's the case, I guess tomorrow is training day!

- Jack's Diary

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Jack's Diary - Day 38, November 7, 2013

            Although I wasn’t extremely tired from the previous ordeal, I just wanted to go back to my room. I was still surprised that I managed to get Lexi out of there without any harm being done to her. It felt good to succeed, for once.

            When I got back to my room, I think I must have slept for hours yet there was no rest to be found. All I saw when the dreams came upon me was the face and screams of Jane as she was being eaten alive and burned by the raging fire. Even when the memories seem so far away, they loom in my consciousness like a dust cloud that refuses to clear.

            I woke up with my ankle still hurting a little from the day before. I found a message from Mike on the nightstand. Basically, he apologized for making me promise to keep Lexi safe (which I would’ve done anyway), he’s going out alone to gather supplies because the base is running out of supplies, he wants me to meet with his brother Moses to help out, and not to tell Lexi where he went. Although I don’t approve of him leaving the base alone, there’s nothing to be done about it now. These jobs and troubles aren’t things he should be taking on alone. After I’d finished reading, I folded the letter up, put it in my pocket, and went to find Moses. It took me about an hour to find him since I had no idea where to find him or what he looked like. I asked everyone and finally found him. I introduced myself.

            “Oh, so you’re Jack. Glad to meet you,” he said.

            “Mike said that you needed some help with the barricades,” I said.

            “Yes, we could use some help. You can start nailing the wooden boards to the fence over there. Then place the scrap sheet medal overtop.”

            So I went to work. While we were working, I began telling Moses about my ideas to increase supplies and water in the base (rain collector, planting crops, hunting methods and traps, water purification system) as well as some weapons that could be made from materials in the surrounding areas. He listened, but only replied with, “Sounds interesting. I’ll think about it.”

            I was never good at reading people, but I knew that tone in his voice very well. I heard it throughout my life. It was the tone used when people are subtly telling you they either think your ideas are stupid or they just don’t care. I wasn’t about to let the matter go this time.

            “Exactly what’s wrong with the ideas?” I asked.

            “Nothing. They sound great,” using that same tone.

            “You’re right. They are great, but I know you don’t think they are. If you did, you would have already begun making plans to start them.”

            “Priority must come first.”

            “Food and water are a priority.”

            “Safety is the main priority. If we don’t get the walls ready, we could easily be overrun,” he said to me, finally looking away from the wall with a serious tone in his words.

            “No one is ever truly safe. A group of outsiders could easily infiltrate this place with enough firepower and determination. And a large group of soulless could knock down any of these walls given enough time.”

            He paused for a moment; probably trying to figure out what I meant by soulless. “If everything you said is true, then we should focus on defenses. Besides, we have enough food for a few more days and can scavenge for more later.”

            “From where exactly? I haven’t been here long, but you’ve probably already looted the nearby grocery marts and storage buildings. Canned foods don't grow on trees. What are going to do when the surrounding area has been picked dry of food?”

            “We’ll cross that bridge once we get to it,” he said. I began to detect a hint of anger in his voice.

            “By the time you cross that bridge, your people will have starved to death.”

            “That’s enough!” he yelled. “You don’t give the orders around here. We don’t have time to be plowing fields and hunting for animals when at any second, we could all be killed. I suggest you get your priorities straight.”

            “Funny. I was about to say the same thing about you,” I replied.

            Moses took a swing at me, but I blocked it. He was surprised by this, however, the look of distain on his face never went away. “I suggest you stay out of my sight. If you want to plant crops then go start your own base. Until then, you follow my orders. Understand?”

            “You’re a complete fool,” I responded. I then walked away back to the house. There’s no point in building a wall when there could soon be nothing to protect. When Mike gets back, he and I are going to have a talk.

            On my way to my room, I saw Lexi looking in a few of the rooms. I thought it was best just to walk passed her so she wouldn’t ask me anything. It didn’t work.

“Have you seen Mike?” asked Lexi. It turned out I could answer this question honestly.

            “No. I haven’t seen him all day.”

            She walked away. I entered and closed the door to my room. As I stared out the window, I saw just how barren the base really was. There was no green at all; nothing, but walls and weapons in the hands of the men who walked by. I guess this is what prison is like. It was then I realized that I might have another problem. Lexi may not be a genius, but she wasn’t stupid. She’d eventually figure out that Mike wasn’t at the base and she might be dumb enough to go out looking for him so I left my room and went to the base entrance and sat by it. It was the only way out of the base that I knew of and Lexi was about four feet shorter than the walls so she wouldn’t be able to jump over them. Still, I kept my eyes open just in case she tried.

            When night finally came, I heard footsteps approaching the entrance. It was Lexi carrying a bag of supplies. There were no lights so she couldn’t see me. The only reason I could see her was because she was in the path of the moonlight. As she reached for the door, I grabbed her arm.

            “You’re not going after him,” I told her.

            “You knew before, didn’t you?”

            “Yes, but that doesn’t change a thing.”

            “He could be hurt. I have to find him.”

            She began to struggle so I picked her up and began carrying her back to the house.

            “Let go of me!” she yelled.

            “Would you keep it down? Do you want to draw attention to the base?”

            She stopped making noise, but continued to struggle with me.

            “Lexi, stop it! He told me not to tell you.”

            “I don’t care.”

            “Well, he does. Besides, do you really think you’d be able to find him out of all the directions he could have went? What if you leave and he comes back? Then he’ll have to go out again to get you, putting himself in harms way again.”

            She stopped struggling. I put her down.

            “Putting yourself in danger isn’t going to bring him back here. You need to wait.”

            “What if he doesn’t come back?” She said, almost on the verge of tears.

            “If he’s not back by tomorrow, I’ll go out and find him and I won’t come back until I’ve found him.”

            That statement seemed to satisfy her enough for me to walk her back to the house. After she went into her room, I waited outside until she went to sleep and then went back to the entrance. I just made another promise, an unnecessary one. I could have just shoved her in her room and locked the door (I was tempted to do that before leaving the house again). Unlike the last one, I brought this upon myself. However, I wanted to have a jump-start so that I might succeed. Perhaps I should start looking for Mike now. Anyways, I decided to go outside the base and sit high up in a tree. Right now, I writing this wondering if I stay until morning or venture into the night.

- Jack's Diary

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