Jack's Diary - Too Long - Day 123

     It's been too long since I last wrote, mostly because I've been too busy with the present and didn't think I'd be alive too much longer so I couldn't risk wasting time with writing. I'm not dead yet, but it's clear I'm living on borrowed time. I now sometimes forget where I am momentarily, have intense migraines, and I feel a lot more tired (fortunately, these don't happen too often and very rarely during "interactions" with other people). It's terrifying, yet sobering to be at death's door. You see what's important and I'm still strong enough to do something.
     Mike and the others didn't come along with me. I expected as much, but still wish they were here. I just want to make a difference before I die. I don't want to leave this world with a whimper, I want to go out fighting. Grant had the right emotions, but devoted them to the wrong thing. He gave up on doing what's right and chose to do only what gave him pleasure. I intend to succeed, even if I end up alone. I'm not angry with them. I could never be. Julie spoke to me just before I left. Even with a foggy memory, our exchange of words comes through clear.
     "You sure you want to do this?" she asked, her face still beat up from Grant. I was hobbling myself.
     "Yes."
     "I'm sorry," she said, almost unable to look me in the eye.
     "About what?" I asked.
     "That guy said you only have a few months to live. No one else knows except me and Mike."
     "Yah, that reminds me. I have you to thank for being alive right now. Had you not shot Grant, I'd be dead already. I owe you my life."
     She smiled and said, "If that's true, can I have your sword?"
     "As much as I'd like to give it to you, I need every edge that I can get now that I'll be on my own again. I've only got a short time left to accomplish my goal."
     "You're goal? What's that?"
     "Let's leave that as a surprise," I said turning away, "C'ya, Julie."
     As I walked away, although I didn't look back, I could somehow picture the scene behind me; a group of frowning faces, some waving, some looking away. I didn't talk much during my time with them. There really wasn't much to talk about, but even leaving a home you never liked brings a subtle feeling of sorrow to a time and season that's passed. It's all just memories and words upon paper and soon, the memories will be gone.
     I suppose the reason I'm writing is for good news. I've gathered about three-fourths of the supplies needed to begin Operation Inferno (it tickles me a little with excitement each time I say). Bases and groups of survivors so generously "gave" me plenty of supplies. For all the enemies I already killed off from my previous time before meeting Mike, I think I made five times the amount of enemies. I tried to "accept" these supplies as discreetly and sneakily as possibly, but I often got too greedy. Not happy with having to kill and injure so many people. In my defense though, I did give most of them fair warning (I'd recently been doubting my skill, but having detained/killed 30 people attempting sneak attacks where I slept and having taken on a base of 20 guys alone, I feel awesome). I've also gotten pretty good with the katana; I've already decapitated two soulless and one guy's arm (I warmed him) though I'm definitely not samurai level yet. I also found an ideal city to set up the operation; it's a good size, not too many soulless and almost no survivors living in it and it's only 15 miles away from where Mike is (thought I'd let him see the results). Whenever I find supplies, I bring them back here.
     I've got to be honest. I can't take all the credit for everything I've written her. Twelve days ago, I was searching houses and cars for tools, wood, sprinklers, and gasoline having just visited a small base about two miles away. I came upon a little tin shack. It looked like a tool shed so I went over to it, expecting to find some lumber or oil or something. It was locked. I lightly knocked to see if anyone was living there. That's when I saw a shadow approaching from the left, slowly growing in size. In a flash, I drew my handgun with my left hand, fired right into a guy's chest, then I quickly drew my katana with my right and whipped it to my right (suspecting there to be more) and the blade cut a woman's lip, throwing her off balance and I shot her. It didn't look like there was anyone else, that is, until someone landed on top of me, having jumped from tool shed's roof. She nearly had me pinned except for my right arm, which I quickly took advantage of and blindly elbowed her twice, the second   time hitting her throat. I shoved her off, stood up, and proceeded to land one powerful forward kick to her chin, sending her flying back. This knocked her unconscious. The gun fire brought more soulless than I expected, which created a problem. Usually I would stay, kill them, and continue gathering supplies, or if there really were too many, I'd shove anyone still barely alive who was too weak or too stupid to run in a car, house, or base. There was nothing near by to stuff her into and I couldn't just leave her there (in defending myself, I hadn't even looked at her in the face; in her twenties, very pretty, and just had a look of peace about her. It was one of the few times I felt guilty about defending myself). I picked her up, carrying her like the firemen do, and made the sprint to the closest building in sight, holding the katana in my free hand. When I got there, I rushed up to the second floor and barricaded the door. Eventually, I knew they'd lose interest.
     Later, when she woke up, upon recognizing me, she backed up into a corner, pulled out a knife along and picked up a chair with the other hand. I won't go into the long details, but I'll give you the summary. I eventually talked her down to putting her weapons away, explaining myself and why I was at that tool shed. The people I killed were her friends so she held resentment toward me. I told her about my plan and although she thought it was crazy and only something a moron would do, she chose to help (I think this was because she hoped to kill me or I'd die in the process). Her name is Katy. The first few days were pretty rough with her getting a hold of a gun or something and trying to kill me. I always got the upper hand and stopped her. It reached the point where I went back on my desire not to have hurt her in the first place. Had she did this a few more times, I'd have killed her until on one attempt, she broke down and starting sobbing on my shoulder. Afraid the noise would draw soulless, I tried to calm her. She was angry with me, but she was also alone for the first time in a long time and I was the only person left. I'm sure she could have left and found others, but it's human nature to stick with the familiar, especially when you're scared. I knew the feeling. I told her about my imminent death, thinking at the time it would make her happy. It just made her cry more. From then on, we grew closer and so far, she hasn't tried to kill me again. At night, we talk about our pasts and the stuff we like. There are times where she'll stop for a few moment before quietly continuing the conversation, probably remembering I'm the guy who killed her friends. I taught her survival, combat, weapon, scavenging, and hunting skills. She really didn't have much to teach me, but she did take care of me when the problems resulting from the drugs began becoming worse. Funny. Just when things seem so good in my life is when it's coming to an end. Fate is strange. You'd think with all this time we're spending talking and training that the operation would be moving slower, but it's moving just as fast.
     One more good thing. Now that I have a traveling companion, I have someone to fulfill my wishes after death. I've given her instructions on what to do with my body. I'm leaving everything in her hands, including the plans for Operation Inferno. I told her I hope she'll continue it after I'm gone because one go isn't going to be enough.
     She fell asleep an hour ago. I feel the urge to do many things. To get up and kiss her on the forehead, to radio Mike and let him know I'm alright, but it's not the right time yet. I think I'll go to bed. Hopefully, I'll live to see tomorrow.

- Jack's Diary

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Jack's Diary - The Stare Exchange - Day 53

     Sick again. A few minutes after Mike gets up, he's down again. At this rate, it might take us months to reach the Valors base. I suppose that could be both a good and bad thing. At this point, I just want to go back to our base. Perhaps I should talk about happier things or at least more interesting things. We have a new member.
     When I came back, I alerted Mike to the men I'd heard (I was surprised to see him up). I also noticed the new member. Her name is Evie. She carries a puppy with her as strange as it may sound (in times like these, another unnecessary responsible seems risky, especially one that needs food and water). Anyways, Mike directed us to approach the men. We were cautious about doing so and I really couldn't tell if they were shifty or not. When they inquired about the girls, it should have been a dead give away. We gave them some of our food and they replay us by shooting at us. We were already at an exit to the sewers leading to a gathering of trees. The others ducked for cover while Mike and I disposed of the men. Evie seemed shocked and frightened at how we handled the situation. It was almost as if she'd never seen someone killed before. I told her that this is the way we handle things when our friends are threatened (or something like that). She was hesitant to come along with us, but she chose to. Not long after, Mike collapsed and we set up camp again outdoors. I decided to survey the surrounding area; there were no other survivors near by. There were a grouping of soulless in the distance, but they were far enough away not to give us trouble. I found a good piece of oak and began carving it with a knife to make a walking stick (Mike's going to need all the help he can get).
     A few hours passed. Victor had started to prepare dinner while Julie and Ann went to gather fire wood. Then I saw Evie far off from our camp, sitting on the grass. I couldn't tell what she was doing. I waited about 10 minutes before approaching her, with questions running through my head like "Who is she?", "Why should we trust her?", "Why does she seem different?". Well, curiosity got the better of me. She saw me in the distance walking toward her, all the time her eyes were fixed on me, weary of my intentions. I could seed she'd been playing with her puppy, who now looked up at her inquisitively. It looked like she had something behind her back (probably a weapon). I didn't want to get too close.
     "I don't think we formally met. My name is Jack."
     She had this distrusting look on her face, the same one I probably had upon mine.
     "My name is Evie."
     We stared at each other for a moment longer before I sat down on the grass facing her. I didn't have my hand on a weapon, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ready to draw my gun if she made a move. We stared at each other intently. Neither one of us spoke. It may have been one of the most awkward moments of my life. I was never a man for patience so I came right out and said it.
     "Are you staying with us or what?"
     "I'm not sure," was her response.
     "I suggest you make up your mind soon. You're either with us or against us."
     She didn't like what I said.
     "It wasn't a threat. I just don't want someone who might betray us loitering about."
     "You don't have to worry about that," she said.
     "So you say. If I took promises at face value, I would've been killed long ago."
     It seems she trusted me enough to take her death stare off me and look at her dog. She held him close.
     "What do you want?" Evie asked.
     I paused a moment to gather my thoughts. "I came over here to inquire about you. Perhaps that's not as important as I once thought if you're not staying with us. Then again, why should I expect you to join us? You don't know a thing about us."
      It appeared that I struck a chord with her because there was something in that look of hers (which is strange because reading facial expressions are not one of my skills).
     "If you want to know anything about us; if anything about who we are or what we do seems strange or is bothering you, just ask."
     She waited a moment. "Yes, something is bothering me, but you better not tell your leader what I'm about to say."
     "Fine. What is it?" I asked.
     "Is Mike a good leader?" she asked.
     "Why do you ask?"
     "What do you mean by why do I ask?! I'm not going to follow a stupid leader into battle!" she yelled at me. She calmed herself before continuing, "Because of him, those two men almost killed us. I know he's sick, but I don't want to be put in a situation like that again."
     Well, in this case, I shouldn't tell Mike what I'm about to say because he'd punch me if he heard.
     "He's not stupid, but he's not really experienced yet."
     "Then why is he leading all of you?" she asked.
     That's a pretty good question. I've questioned it myself.
     "There's a few reasons. I could lead, but I choose not to and Mike's a lot smarter and level headed than most of the other members."
     "Wait. You choose not to?"
     "I don't like the idea of having all of the decisions I make dictate whether someone lives or dies. Awhile ago, due to some poor decisions and a betrayal of one of my companions, a former group I had all ended up dying except for me."
     "Well, you sure are building up your group," she said in a sarcastic tone. "Why in the world should I stay with you guys?"
     "So we're not perfect. Why don't we get off the subject of my group and talk about you; if you're so great, why are you looking into joining up with other survivors?"
     She appeared a little phased by the question. "For security."
     "What? Can't protect yourself?" I asked tauntingly.
     "I can defend myself fine. Watch!"
     Evie stood up and drew a throwing knife slowly, showing it to me and then threw it at a far off tree. It hit it and sunk into the bark. Her skill and speed were impressive. I drew a knife of my own, a thin pocket knife, showing it to her and threw it at the same tree. It hit the tree a little bit lower than her's, but it sunk in as well.
     "So you have some skill with throwing knives. So do I. I noticed you don't have a gun though." She gave me a look that told me she thought I was a jerk. "How long do you think it'll be before your staring down the barrel of a gun and all you'll have is a knife?"
     "I've looked out for myself just fine up until now. I don't need you or your friends," she said very firmly.
     "No, but you need what we have to offer. We have food, supplies, guns, and people; all the things that could make your life easier and I know you understand just how vulnerable you are when you're by yourself."
     "I have Sam with me," was her response.
     "Oh, and what's he going to do. Lick your enemies to death." I knelt down to look at Sam. I noticed that he never looks at me for very long. I even stared directly at him and waved my hand in front of his field of vision. It would only distract him for a moment before he went back to whatever he was doing. It was as if to him, I wasn't even there. I stood back up to end my argument with her.
     "One thing I can say about this group is that we don't leave friends behind. If any one of them were in trouble, I'd go and help them, even if what stood in my way meant certain death. Can you say that about anyone you ever knew."
     She'd been avoiding eye contact with me for a while. She sat down and looked at Sam while I went to get our knives. When I returned, I heard her mumble the words, "I'll stay for the time being at least."
     It was good enough for me. From there, I answered her other questions about the group and I got around to asking about her past and where she got Sam. I listened intently, but I can't remember what she or I said very well so I'm not going to write down a half true story (I'm surprised I remembered as much of our conversation as I did. First impressions I guess). It started to get dark so we headed back to camp. One thing she said to me was troubling though. She asked something along the lines of "Are you sure Mike is alright?" Well, he's sick so no, but maybe she meant something else, perhaps on his mental state.
     Well, I think it would be good to have her with us. Unlike the others, she seems to have combat skills and probably has a lot more to offer though I didn't ask if she could even use a gun. If that's the case, I guess tomorrow is training day!

- Jack's Diary

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Evie's Diary- Introductions- Day 52

3 am
I woke perspiring, heart racing, tears streaming down my face.  The nightmares are getting worse.  The remnants of each day and the past bleed into my dreams.  I just want to go home.  I want life to be the way it used to be, when my biggest problem was trying to get a roomful of squirming kindergarteners to sit still.  Stop it!  That kind of drivel won't help us.  Sam, my German Shepherd puppy, is sleeping with his head on my chest.  The rhythmic sound of breathing calms my harried nerves.
5:30 am
I lay still for another few hours to let him rest.  But it's time to get up; we have work to do.  Sam whimpered a little as I gently stroked him awake.  Heard his stomach rumble; fed him the last of the jerky.  I'm not hungry anyway...
8 am
Back from scavenging.  Found enough food to get through another day.  We still have enough water and some medicine.  I packed up the campsite, tried to erase any sign of our being there, and set off.  Need to join up with a group soon.  Our luck, by ourselves, will only last so long.  Fifty-two days on our own so far, with more near-disasters than I like to remember. The first three groups we tracked, after watching for a while, I decided were better left alone.  Sam growled all the whole time we were trailing them. Puppy growls aren't very intimidating, but I trust his instincts.  We ran across a fourth group a week ago, and Sam didn't get upset while we trailed them.  I approached them after the fifth day.  They said they would take me, but not Sam.  They saw him as a liability.  I won't leave him, so we went on our way.   We've been heading north; maybe we will find  another group soon. 
4 pm
The highway up ahead was blocked off.  Why would it be blocked off?  Sam and I wandered aimlessly a bit.  I wasn't sure what to do.  It's so hard to think straight on so little sleep.  Suddenly spotted a whole herd of walkers headed our way. There was no where to go, unless we went back the way we came, and there is nothing for us there.  I made a decision based on pure panic. There was no way I could take on a whole herd by myself and protect Sam.  I picked up my puppy and crawled into the sewer.  The smell!  I retched.
Sometime Later Who Knows When...
Sam hates it down here. I hate it down here.  He stays right by my side. I'm not sure how long we have been walking.  Guess it really doesn't matter.   I heard indistinct voices, then cursing up ahead. Other people are down here. We follow the sounds slowly. I reached inside my belt and pulled out my favorite throwing knife. Suddenly a figure, a man, walks out of the semi-darkness. We raise our weapons at the exact same time.  Great.  I've brought a knife to a gun fight. We stand there locked in a sort of shaky stale-mate.  Why doesn't he pull the trigger? I expected him to call out to whoever else was in his group. But he didn't.  He just stood there staring at me. Why?  Before I have a chance to decide what to do, Sam bolts out from behind me and gallops up to the man, leaping on him and licking all over him.  I held my breath.  "Please don't hurt my dog", I said, voice shaking.  I hate it when my voice does that, like I'm some useless feeble female.  I'm not feeble, not frail, not soft - except when it comes to Sam.  He's the only good thing I have left.   I lowered my knife slowly, took a shuddering breath, and met his gaze directly.  With a confidence I didn't feel, I made my way over to him, stuck out my hand and said "I'm Evelyn Rider."

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Jack's Diary - Day 13, September 28th 2013

     The time no longer matters to the world unless you have plans to meet someone. I haven't looked at a clock in years, only at the sky. When it is day, you work and when it's night, you sleep, pray, or work cautiously. I spent entire day and night making my way to the next town, moving out of the forest, onto a long stretch of road, dodging and killing soulless when necessary. I finally made it to a small town called Duck: how imaginative! Along the way, I picked up some plants that I came across that I recognized as food or medicative so I'll have something to do in case I get trapped for a time.
     The town had an average number of soulless walking about in a tranquil state as I walked among them. It's strange in how some places have soulless who will attack on sight and others places have soulless who wander about like medicated morons. Still, I didn't let my guard down. I hardly ever did. Other than the five fast food restaurants, two shopping centers, car wash, and electronic store, there was   a hardware store with a name I couldn't read due to the fading of the sign. The only clues that hinted at its purpose were the large hammer and saw paintings on the outside wall.
     I wanted to better prepare myself for the future since up until recently, I'd been gambling with death and for some fateful reason, had been on a winning streak. It only takes one scratch or bite to lose yourself. With the equipment inside, I made a spear using one of my machetes and a wooden pole with a hole at the other end (I drilled the hole in case I wanted to tie some strong twine through it so I could throw the spear from a distance and pull it back), two nail guns with laser pointers for better aim, a taser made from a disposable camera, a small makeshift hatchet made out of large hammer and a flat blade screwdriver, and a pair of bolt cutters. I also took a few other small things with me like nails and paper clips. I might have tried to made a few small bombs had I not heard the windows being broken in. The soulless were suddenly aggravated now, their mood changing just like the ones back in the other town. I found another door in the back, but I heard violent pounding on it. I looked around for another exit or somewhere to hide or make a last stand against them. Luckily, I found a small office room with the windows smashed in. I entered it, locked the door (stupid, I know), I closed the drapes, and leaned the desk and bookshelf against the window wall. There wasn't much else in the room so I knew they'd easily break through so I looked around for something that could aid me in anyway. I noticed that the ceiling was comprised of large loose tiles, meaning that there was likely empty space above it. The soulless had just about created enough space in the window opening to get through when I jumped on top of the chair, knocked out one of the tiles and went up into ceiling. There were pipes and other large machines up here to walk on and/or crawl across as the soulless below piled onto of one another to reach me. A few managed to break through the tiles, but I shot them in the head with one of the nail guns, instantly stopping them. I followed the systems of pipes and machines which led into another area outside the confining walls of the rooms. In this section, I found a small opening to enter through, which I now believe was a crawl space, possibly created when the store was first built for storage or for easier access to the store ceiling. Not much was up here, but I did find a hatch that led to the roof. I used the bolt cutters on the lock and break open the hatch. Now, I'm sitting on the opposite end of the roof, watching the hatch in case I should receive a visitor. In the meantime, I began eating/preparing the plants I gathered and afterwards, took to writing this all down.

- Jack's Diary

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